Oana
Hey there. Welcome to episode 21 of the Feminine UNCUT Podcast. Today is going to be super fun and interesting at the same time as we’re going to try to answer the ten most Google questions about sex and sexuality. Ioana did the legwork and identify the questions if you can imagine. And it took a lot of hours. No, I’m joking. And what we’re going to do is actually try to come up with answers inspired both by my professional experience as a life coach and also by our personal experience. So if you’re here for the first time, I’m Juana, founder of TheFemmine.com, an online platform dedicated to women all over the world. And our mission revolves around a totally new paradigm of self-care, a more grounded, whole spiritual experience, and perspective on self-care. And at the feminine. We believe that once acknowledged and included in your daily life, the feminine principle, along with the feminine values, can totally shift the way you live, the way you love, and the way you work. I’ve been a life coach my entire life, actually, but my entire adult life. And for the last eight years, I have devoted my life to empowering women, trusting our voices, following our hearts, and embracing all that womanhood can bring.
Oana
The feminine is the embodiment of my coaching methods. It’s my body of work to try and test. It practices, rituals, and exercises come both from ancient feminine exploration and also from the modern day. And our intention in the platform and in all our programs and into the sacred circle of our community is to empower women to fully know who they are around many important topics like self-care, sensuality, sexuality, intimacy, passion, true voice, gifts, career leadership, everything in between, men included. We have a lot to share with you, and we’re very happy and excited that more and more questions are coming from our listeners to us. And we try to take as many of the questions in our podcast and really answer them wholeheartedly. And we’re going to jump now to the topic we have today, and we want to really dive into sex. We discovered that sex is a very important thing on the planet. We really want to take our take on it. So, Yana, Google these amazing ten questions, most thought, most wanted, and most desired questions around sex. And I’m going to actually let her tell you all about them. So.
Oana
Hi, Ioana.
Ioana
Hi, Oana. Hi, everyone. Actually, the questions it’s important to mention are Google by both men and women. It’s not something only women look for or search on Google. I actually went through this process because I was really willing to make this podcast and not only this podcast, everything with the feminine as relatable as possible. And I was really curious, what are people curious about when it comes to sexuality and sensuality? And it’s amazing. The questions don’t get fooled by the simplicity of the questions. It happened to me. Oh, my God, this is so busy. How can somebody actually Google that? But giving it a second thought? They are actually very deep because I think people look for the deepest meaning of the question, but they don’t know how to address it. So they just ask the easiest question that comes into their mind. And maybe if I just say the first question, you understand what I’m meaning. How do I have sex? This is like the first, most Googled question. And it’s not only coming from 16-year-old girls, it’s like an ageless question, how do I have sex?
Oana
Okay, so I feel all of a sudden like a sex teacher, which is not part of my career.
Ioana
Now you can go philosophical about it because I really feel that people who ask this question don’t really look for methodological one, two, or three steps.
Oana
Or they might because part of exploring sexuality also requires what happens in sex. How do I have it? How do I make the best of it? And I think in terms of positions, Kamasutra still rocks the number one go-to book in terms of how to. But I think there’s a lot of confusion in sex.
Ioana
Exactly.
Oana
In my years of exploring professional sexuality, because I have done that in my career path, I think it’s overlapping the dynamic with men’s or women’s actual sex positions. And how do you technically do it? And also the chemistry that kind of melts everything and confuses us even more. And one of the things that I think is very important is that I’ve learned from sexuality, and I’m going to come back to the answer. My own answer is unwrapping, or it’s separating the sexual energy of sex. And there are two different things. Sex is the language that we use to communicate with one another our sexual energy or sexual drive. But we have sexual energy. And I think the philosophical answer to that’s connected more to your sexual energy than to sex positions is how you truly feel. How do I have sexes? How do you truly feel? Or at least that would be the answer to a woman who’s free in her own skin, comfortable in her own sexuality, and knowing herself. It takes a path and a process. I don’t think I had sex in my life at the beginning, as I felt I was lucky to meet my first long-standing relationship that ended up in a marriage and a divorce.
Oana
But with the men that I truly love. And I had a lot of chemistry, and this is how my significant sexual life started. But even then, although I had the chemistry, I wasn’t truly tapping into how I was feeling and how I have sex and how I do sex, I was more conditioned in my mind that it has to look a certain way.
Ioana
When I read this question, you know what came to my mind? Not that I never Googled when I was young and I was really asking myself that question. I never asked anybody. I didn’t have the courage to ask my mom because it’s a basic question I imagine you ask yourself or ask Google in today’s world when you are young and you are really curious about it and you didn’t really have the experience and what you do now, you Googled it. When we were young, we did not have Google. But I think even today it’s important at the point to ask somebody not to Google it because the depth of the answer is different.
Oana
Can you imagine that 2000 years ago or I don’t know, even more? There was I don’t know if it’s 2000 years, I don’t know the date. But there was a time in China when during the Yellow Emperor, in China, where sex was part of medicine and you would prescribe sex positions to heal different health issues in the body. So a woman or a man would go to the healer, and if they would have, I don’t know, issues with their gallbladder or liver stocks, fatigue in the liver, they would be prescribed sex positions that would heal those dysfunctions because Chinese knew that sexual energy was life force energy. And if through sex, you can tap into the whole body from inside out through the position, because sex is actually an internal massage of the whole body. That’s why it’s so amazingly pleasurable and releases that stuckness or that blockage in the energetic lines of the body. So can you imagine how far we have gone from what we have just the other way? Primitive going backward. Exactly.
Ioana
But what would you answer if your baby girl someday will ask you this question? What would you answer?
Oana
How do I have sex? I would literally probably take Kamasutra’s book and give her a technical expose of the position in which you can have sex because that’s the technical answer. And then I would actually say that sex is the meeting of two beings in deep intimacy that should include body, emotions, and so on. It’s just how she will meet herself on a body level, her emotional level, and her soul level as a woman. And I would start a conversation that would initiate her into her own relationship with her own sexuality.
Ioana
I think you just answered the second more Google question, which is what is sex?
Oana
Yeah. Actually, I’m very excited about that moment in time when my daughter have this fantasy. I don’t know if that’s going to be how it’s actually going to be, but I have this fantasy that my teenage daughter, after being initiated into her own sexuality, will be able to say, Mom, I’m ready to have sex with my boyfriend. And I’ll have a meeting with both of them actually giving the great secrets.
Ioana
That’s my fantasy. I don’t know if that’s actually going to be laid out that way, but we have 15 more years to go to sea or twelve or whatever my fantasy is to have. I feel like I will have a baby boy. I just did it. And my fantasy is to turn him into the most extraordinary man in this world. The best warrior, the best lover, the best everything. The third question, I think you’ve just answered what is next? So I will jump to the third question, which is a good place to start a very thoughtful exploration because that question is what does sex feel like?
Oana
Well, it can feel bad. Yeah. It can feel anywhere from frustration and pain to ecstatic and free and liberating and deeply evening. I think anywhere from those two extremes and everything in between, it can feel boring. It can feel frustrating or overwhelming. I think one of the most amazing moments was when my heart just opened so deeply that I was just overwhelmed by what I was feeling. It happened in deep, intimate relationships. It didn’t happen in sexual encounters, whether they were tantric, like in a sacred environment, or just explorational. But I think it can be truly, truly amazing. I highly recommend it.
Ioana
I highly recommend having extraordinary sex with three questions and I will stick to the extraordinary version of the what is sex? I was having a chat with Chitchat with a friend. We were just boys coming from a wedding yesterday evening. And I don’t even know how it came up in the conversation because I’m anything but not the best sex coach in the world. But I just said, I don’t know, I don’t remember even how I just said these words, full body organ. And she was like, what is that? Yeah, tell me more about it. And he was like mesmerized. And I think that’s a good way of just taking this basic question and going into more extraordinary possibilities.
Oana
Full body orgasm. For those who don’t know the concept or haven’t really fully experienced it, what does it mean? Is a huge shift in how we relate to sex from the west to the east worldwide, because the Western culture talks about sex in a very physical way. So it’s 20 minutes, 1-hour sex encounter where you use the Karma suit repositions, hopefully. And that would be a good version. And the man ejaculated. And then hopefully the woman had some pleasure, some orgasm. Full body orgasm is an energetic experience that’s first and foremost. And now we’re heading towards the east in China or India, where sexuality was sacred and revered and it was known as sexual energy, sexual life force energy. So the human body wasn’t just a physical body. It had an energetic component to it. And men and women were meeting in those energies and allowing those energies to dance. And they were opening their energy bodies to one another and allowing that flow of energy to meet one another through the physical encounter. And there are different rituals and practices and exercises that can support you in opening yourself on an energetic level. Full body orgasm, especially for women, because women are the ones who are channeling this energy, and men are just, like, tapping into it through the woman, although they can have it on their own too, but with much more practice.
Oana
So I definitely recommend a woman actually having her energetic channels so cleared up that her sexual energy or life force energy is able to freely flow and be fluid in all your sex centers, which are your seven chakras, and all your energy lines, which are your meridians. So you feel this energy gathering, gathering, gathering, and moving through all of your body until your mind literally goes numb and you’re, like, bridging this unknown territory, psychically or another perspective, and you’re melting into energy. So you’re losing the boundaries of your identity. You’re melting into energy. You’re having this deep integration. And then slowly, gradually, after the energy has been released, you’re coming back to your senses, your identity, your physical body. It’s one of the most freeing up experiences one can actually live while here on Earth.
Ioana
The question my friend asked was can you learn it by yourself at home watching YouTube tutorials?
Oana
There are not so many YouTube tutorials on how to practice sexuality.
Ioana
Yes, he Googled it the whole night, and in the morning he told me I couldn’t find shit on it. Yeah, you have a lot of porn and you have a lot of technical ways of strange things which are not that you have to experience it.
Oana
Because in sacred sexuality, which can lead to a full-body orgasm, you have to meet your soul, and that’s a spiritual journey. So it’s not about technical positions or physicality. It’s about the unseen and what lies beyond. So, yes, you can experience it on your own and actually in connection with your sexual energy and on the path of exploring your sexuality, you will find it that you’ll have stages where you don’t want to have sex with somebody, and you can still reach these ecstatic experiences. But most of the time it comes through a guide or an initiation of a sort.
Ioana
And it’s a healthy way.
Oana
And you better find somebody who can leave shadows in the country as well. Healthy is a very high-level world. Healthy is a very high-level word, but it’s meeting you in your wholeness, which is healthy and fulfilling.
Ioana
Okay, the fourth question is actually very fun. How can I have a sex dream?
Oana
I don’t think you have to do anything about that. You just have to have it.
Ioana
You just have to let go of any fear.
Oana
Shame, or whatever constriction you have, and open to the possibility of having a sex dream.
Ioana
It’s not easy releasing shame. It’s not easy.
Oana
I don’t think it’s very hard to have a sex dream.
Ioana
I don’t think you just have to open yourself up to the possibility and deeply enjoyed it while you have it not very clear if the question is about having a nightdream or a Daydream.
Oana
Yes.
Ioana
The question of fantasy along your minds to vendor. I think the easiest.
Oana
Well if you’re having a sex dream most of the time there is pumped-up sexual energy that hasn’t been released in your psyche. Is trying to do that work for you because we have this regulating system and I think that’s a very powerful healthy way to deal with your sexual energy. If you’re drifting in a Daydream towards the sexual fantasy then you’re just having your own prelude. So that’s good too. I don’t know. I’m not a sex teacher. This is a very confusing question for me.
Ioana
Everybody is confused. That’s why people Google this.
Oana
I wonder what Google says about that. Like what’s the answer?
Ioana
But you can ask Siri, okay, how can I have good sex? It’s the fifth question but I think you kind of like answered it my way of good sex.
Oana
Anyway, knowing your body starts with that. It really is a very solo experience parallel to a two-experience or threesome experience, whatever you’re drawn to. But really know your body, know your sexual energy. Massage your body, tap into your body, touch your body, touch your sexual area, touch your breast as a woman, just touch. A lot touching. Experimenting, exploring sexuality.
Ioana
Masterclass. Again, it’s a very good start because we’re tapping into it’s. A healthy way of looking into weight.
Oana
Yeah.
Ioana
How do I kiss? How do I kiss? Practice makes a kiss perfect.
Oana
Practice makes a kiss perfect. And funny enough, if you’re ashamed to actually ask your lover if you’re a good kisser then you can do it with a friend and allow the feedback to sink in. I definitely recommend kissing practice because kissing is amazing. If it’s done badly.
Ioana
It’s really a big turn-off.
Oana
But basically use your tongue. Not only not only okay.
Ioana
It’s the 7th question. Why does sex feel good?
Oana
Well, I have the spiritual answer which is an internal orgasm. It’s an internal massage of all the organs in the body. And when the penis penetrates the vagina, even that motion is connected to all the organs in the body. We have reflexotherapy pressure points in the penis and the testicles and also the womb and the vagina that is linked to all the organs. So it feels good because it’s a very profound inner massage of the whole body which takes me to the 8th question.
Ioana
Which is why does it hurt when I have sex?
Oana
No, I’m overlapping them. No, she’s not right. That’s the 9th question. The 8th question is how many calories you burn during sex which is basically what I don’t know.
Ioana
It depends. But I was jumping to the 9th question because it’s kind of related to why does she feel good? Because you mentioned the possibility of feeling the healthy way which obviously sent me to the possibility of feeling pain.
Oana
Yes. And we can feel pain for many reasons. One is the prelude is not well done, and there’s friction and frigidity in the process on both ends. So it’s like the woman can’t really fully open up and feel relaxed and her juices are not flowing. So that’s painful on a physical body. Then there can be pain that’s actually psychic, emotional, or energetic pain that’s stuck and constricted in the physical or energetic body that’s coming from trauma or intimacy issues. And when you open up into sex, they show up because they need to be processed and healed. So it can be very painful and very hurtful because you’ve just opened up and you’re very vulnerable. And everything that needs to be healed and cleaned inside and outside is surfacing. That’s why it’s a very intimate process and should be met by a partner with Grace and compassion. It also can be painful because you’re not in alignment with your desire, your soul, and your intuition, and you’re having sex with the wrong man, or you’re having sex with no connection to your heart and your soul. And that can really be a self-betrayal and a very painful experience.
Ioana
You know that it happens to me and not only to me, because even men friends tell me they had this experience. Even if the process is not necessarily painful, it happens to me to just feel horrible the next day. It’s like completely lacking energy. And I think it’s a sign. Also, you don’t necessarily have to feel pain during sex, but you can feel bad the next day. And it’s probably kind of the same thing. And I thought it was a woman’s thing, but it happens the same with men. My acupuncturist actually told me that if women were to live one day in the body of a man, they would be, like, really astonished about the disconnection between the head and the womb. And if men were actually feeling, yeah, one day in the body of women, they will be, like, completely blown to pieces. The abundance of emotions. It would be like really too much for them to handle. Okay. And we got to the last question, which is how long does sex last?
Oana
Well, it can last from two minutes to a whole weekend. I think, but it literally is from west to east.
Ioana
Be sure to eat something if it lasts a weekend.
Oana
Well, the weekend is not just really literally having sex the whole 48 hours, but it’s a process of understanding sex from the east perspective, India and Asia, and understanding sex from the west perspective. And in the west, we have sex like a fast food thing, a famous quickie, which is fun if they’re met by their competitor.
Ioana
Which is.
Oana
A long journey into intimacy. And in the east, the bodies are revered, and there are channels for the sexual energy and for the soul to descend into the physical experience. So it’s the peaks and the values of pleasure and bonding and intimacy and seeing each other and connecting eye to eye, opening our hearts, ritualizing our sexual encounter, massaging our body fully with no objective, not trying to have an orgasm, just really dive into pleasure through your senses and chocolate rituals and pleasure, life, desire. And that opens up the body and it allows the chemistry to really be alive. And then you’re just having sexual encounters and breaks and love and talk and sexual encounters and breaks and love, and you’ll find that the sexual energy can gather to a high new level of intensity more and more during that marathon.
Ioana
What I discovered, what I noticed, in fact, is that for me, the real game changer was opening up to vulnerability and discovering my health limits. I know it’s not related to how long it last. It was just moving beyond the question because I think these questions were meant just to be a trigger and a fun way of addressing more important issues. And the sacred space, just going to the sacred space was key to me finding what’s healthy for me because there is a place where you find the answers and the truth.
Oana
Yeah. And it really is about meditating with your heart and having a question in mind. Should I allow myself to open up to this man tonight? How much where are my boundaries? And your heart will tell you because it’s connected to your soul. And then you’re like mapping your own sexual territory and guiding your man into that sexual territory. And if you honor your limits, then you will open up to new heights and new peaks.
Ioana
Yeah. You have to be a little bit patient because it’s not an overnight process. And the second game changer was in relation to allowing myself to be vulnerable, working with a girl, and learning how to make her feel safe because she was the one who felt unsafe for me.
Oana
The game changer was stopped waiting for the perfect man to come along and initiate me into the orgasm of a lifetime. That is well and stopped having expectations from men. That was a game-changer for me. And it played out in the sexual relationship with men, but also in relationships in general. And the second game changer was really trusting my body. I still have a lot to work on, if you can imagine, and I have done a lot of work around my sexuality for years now, but I still have a lot of work to do in terms of feeling. When is the right time to have sex? And when is the right time not to have sex? Because for me now, through my tantric practice and all the feminine energy that I’ve cultivated, sex is really an encounter on a soul. And it’s not necessarily an encounter with the soul of the man, as it is a particular type of encounter with my own soul. And not all the time I’m open already or have the willingness to go at that intimate level with myself and the man is just a reflection of that.
Ioana
Yes. If you have questions or curiosities or the 11th or the 12th or the 13th question about sex and sexuality, just keep on sending your questions. And also we are really looking forward because we are receiving a lot of questions involving stories involving cheating and we really were thinking about doing a podcast on cheating. So if you have questions or even stories you want to share about that, well, demystify cheating.
Oana
We’re not talking about cheating. We’re going to actually unlock the hidden gift of the label called cheating.
Ioana
So your stories will really be well received and honored and they will be anonymous if you want to.
Oana
So you’re free totally to share it with us in a sacred space.
Ioana
Thank you. And I think that’s a wrap for today. Thank you, everybody. Next episode. Yes.
