Oana
Hi there, and welcome to the 20th episode of The Feminine uncut. Yay. And today we’re having a special surprise. We’re going to Skin Deep Sisterhood. What’s that? Stay tuned and you’ll definitely find out. So if you’re new here to this podcast. I am Oana founder of Thefeminine.com, a very cool online platform dedicated to women all over the world. And our mission here revolves around a totally new paradigm of how to take care of yourself as a woman. We are urban, we are spiritual. We’re everything in between. And at The Feminine, we believe that once acknowledged and included in our daily life, the feminine principle, along with the feminine values, can totally shift and transform the way we live, the way we love, and the way we work. For the past 15 years, I’ve been a life coach entirely dedicating the last seven or eight. I think by now to empower women, trust their voices and follow their hearts and embrace their womanhood with no fear and no shame. And The Feminine is actually the embodiment of my coaching method and my extensive experience with thousands of women. And it brings together a tried and true body of work with the intention for us to explore questions, and concerns, and play with curiosities regarding self-care, sensuality, or female sexuality empowerment.
Oana
And how does that really look? Relationships, sisterhood, everything in between. Ioana is my partner at The Feminine and my friend in my real life, and she actually shared in the family magazines the story of how we met. It’s a good story. So try reading it, and we’re going to have the link for you in the bill to make it easier. It’s called How to Save a Life, a true story. And in a way, Skin Deep Today is dedicated to sisterhood, and it’s dedicated to our relationship. So I’m going to let Ioana tell you more about Skin Deep, and we’re going to explore sisterhood as part of this beautiful surprise.
Ioana
I didn’t even realize it’s the 20th episode. So it’s an anniversary, and we’re doing a special edition. I just love this kind of synchronicity.
Oana
Yes, indeed.
Ioana
Especially because the sisterhood is a super important part of The Feminine. And we are so going to have a surprise for the members of our community very soon. So I just discovered this kind of story. These guys are doing an amazing job. Do you remember the game we used to play when we were young called Truth and Dare? Just asking an uncomfortable question. And the other one is super enthusiastic because he’s asked an uncomfortable question. Well, they took this game to a whole new level of vulnerability and authenticity, and that’s what caught my eye. They just created these four packs of cards. I think there are four. One for the family, one for the relationships, one for strangers, and one for friends. And the questions are really good. And I thought we can challenge each other with a few of the questions. Of course, we’re not going to roll the 200 questions from a pack for the first time. This is a note, one that doesn’t know the game very well. It’s the first time she’s going to see the questions I picked before a little bit. So it’s not really the first time for me. We’re not going to use the cards.
Ioana
We’re going to use the app because it’s easier for us. So are you ready? Yes. You’re going to answer the first question? Yeah. Okay. It works like this. After I press begin, we have just to eye gaze for a few seconds. So you guys, if you listen, if you hear nothing, it’s using, which is actually very good.
Oana
A powerful practice to connect on a deeper level, on a soul level. We use that in the workshops to do a lot of eye gazing and really open our hearts to one another.
Ioana
That’s the key to the whole game, I think.
Oana
Yeah. And if ecstasy comes along, just allow it.
Ioana
Oh, my God. I swear to God. It’s not fabricated. It’s not fabricated. It’s 100% genuine. So the first question I have for you is, what have you learned about me during this pregnancy? Oh, my God. Just take a look.
Oana
I can’t believe it.
Ioana
So what have you learned from me during your pregnancy?
Oana
What I have learned from you during my pregnancy.
Ioana
Which was like yesterday? Yeah.
Oana
I think it was like the first time in my life that I had a relationship with somebody who was really able to be present to me and with me during my pregnancy but not necessarily actively present, but they are all the time. But also be so accountable and responsible for the work we do and in that way, give me space to have my pregnancy and make sure that also our business project is totally safe.
Ioana
Oh, my God. I think I’m going to cry.
Oana
That was the point.
Ioana
I didn’t believe it when I saw the testimonial. I can’t believe this was the first card.
Oana
Okay. What do you admire most about me?
Ioana
Oh, my God. I just have to pick one thing. I think the thing that keeps on striking me on and on again since the very first day I think I met you was this kind of strength you have. I think I told you once that I thinking I think you can cross the Sahara without drinking a sip of water. Like you really have this incredible capacity to penetrate and go straight to. I don’t know. You just have this strength in everything you do in life. Thank you. My turn.
Oana
I had to, but.
Ioana
That’s a good one.
Oana
It’s me.
Ioana
No, it’s me. This is very good, especially in the context of how we met. The store you just mentioned earlier, what was your first impression of me that you never told me about? All right.
Oana
Because we were dating the same and without knowing, and we kind of smelled that without actually being very clear about it to one another. Actually, the first time I met you was on Facebook because I kind of connected with you on Facebook because of that guy who was in a situation where he needs help. And I think I looked at you and I said, oh, my God, this is such a sexy woman. Such a beautiful, sexy woman. I have to give it to this guy.
Ioana
He’s better than I thought because I was, like, really impressed by you more than I was impressed by him. And he was scoring points in my imagination because he could be with a woman like you.
Oana
If you can’t believe that.
Ioana
Yeah. It’s your return. This is really fun.
Oana
This is fine. What would you change about your relationship with your family? It’s a good question.
Ioana
Out of all the work we’ve done in the context of the work we’ve done, these questions really go deep.
Oana
It’s kind of.
Ioana
I’m not sure this is the best way to express it, but maybe I won’t let them anymore project on me their fears, their belief systems, and their desires. Because one of the boldest things I’ve discovered since starting working through the family with you is that 90% of the things I wanted or thought I wanted weren’t even mine. And this is not only related to the family, of course, but the family is the closest you have. So you just absorb their belief systems and their desires without even being present that it actually happens. And I want to let them push me into a tantrum. I don’t know if this is.
Oana
Yeah, it makes sense.
Ioana
Yeah. Because so often we are pushed into the tantrum by those around us. It’s not our tantrum. It’s the other tantrum. Yeah. I think I just had an AHA, moment transformational. Yeah. This is really good because people really start to be curious about our relationship thanks to this podcast. So that’s a good way to what is the question you don’t want me to ask you. It sounds to me like the question never wants to be asked. Not by me, necessarily by anybody.
Oana
I don’t have that. I’m very open, so I don’t hide stuff. So nothing actually, that would be the authentic answer if you want me to make up something like that. No, really. I’m not shying away from how I feel. I’m pretty open about it. I actually like all questions, and most of the time I get bored because people just don’t ask very daring questions. I think daring questions for me are like penetrating your soul. They tap into something that’s hidden. And I’ve always had a hunger for the untapped. So nothing you can ask me absolutely anything.
Ioana
I’ll keep that in mind for future occasions. I promise.
Oana
It’s a family thing for you.
Ioana
Oh, my God.
Oana
What did you learn from your parents that you wish you could forget? And then we have to be specific.
Ioana
What did I learn from my parents that I wish I could forget that they are immature? And I really want to forget the fact that my parents I was raised with two children. Fortunately, I don’t have dirty secrets from my parents, but I know they were so childish sometimes when they exactly went when I needed them most to act like grownups. They were kids. Oh, my God. This is not fabricated. What’s your favorite sex toy?
Oana
My favorite sex toy. Oh, my God. Right now I’m so away from this dynamic because I’m breastfeeding and they kind of don’t go together.
Ioana
Yeah, but you know something? It’s useful for the family.
Oana
Actually, yes. My favorite sex toy is actually a wand that is made of a specific Crystal structure that allows energy to flow through it. They say that it taps into the energy field of the universe. It’s mainly used as a vibrator, and you can really open your energy field with it. So it’s my supernatural vibrator, superhero vibrator, or something like that. It’s called Tachyon, and you can find it on Tachyon.com. That’s really cool. And one thing that I got very drawn about a few years back, but I never really got a chance to fully use, was an anal sex toy for men. How to activate the Gspot, which is like the prostrate around for men. And so it’s the man G spot. So it’s like that text story is still waiting for me to really use it and explore and play with it. But right now I’m a mother. So next chapter.
Ioana
I have a very funny story about that. I recall it now. Do you remember? I’m going to tell it. It was the birthday of a friend, and we were out hanging around before you got pregnant. It happened some time ago. And it came up. We were just having some drinks downtown, and it came up. We should buy him a pair of pink handcuffs.
Oana
Yes.
Ioana
And I remember it was like midnight. We had two glasses or something. Nothing very dramatic.
Oana
We weren’t drunk.
Ioana
No, we were not very awake, actually. And we went, like, two blocks away. It was a sex shop.
Oana
Hopefully thinking that nobody was going to actually see us while we entered.
Ioana
We entered the sex store in the middle of the night wearing sunglasses. There was nobody in the store. The guy was, of course, watching a porn movie on mute. And one was just looking, like, in a library at all the sex toys there. She was just holding her hand in the back, like, shallow.com, and was like, what is this for? This is pretty big. But she was, like, examining all the toys for, like 30 minutes. What are you doing, ma’am? This is a section of the library, but it’s very attractive to me. She was selected teacher. Just looking at HR.
Oana
What’s one improvement I could make to my personal appearance?
Ioana
No, I don’t know, because that’s your charm. Like, being untidy all the time. Probably somebody else will tell you, just do something with your hair now, for example.
Oana
But I think that you’re I could come up with more make-up. I’ve lost the makeup practice since I’m a young mother. Okay, so it’s your turn.
Ioana
This is incredible. What’s a mistake you’ve made that change your life?
Oana
What’s a mistake I’ve made that changed my life? Oh, my God.
Ioana
That’s a good question for a coach.
Oana
Yes, it is. I think sleeping with the wrong man really changed back then. Really changed my life because I was feeling so like he was my soul mate, and it felt very real. And then he was like the opposite and an asshole, and it penetrated. It shifted my experience of love coming through the gut or through the feeling, the chemistry versus love coming through that capacity to actually know oneself and know the other and be willing to go deeper into the concept of love by accepting who one is in its wholeness and really tapping into what do you need? What do you value? What do you respect and kind of hold those values in the partnership? It was a mistake, and it was a mistake that opened my eyes to the concept of love. To redefine the concept of love.
Ioana
Yeah, it’s incredible. I think if the question were for me, I think I would have given a sort of similar answer, not necessarily with one guy, with several guys, but I think it’s attractive for many women because I think many of us go through the same dynamic but are not necessarily attentive to what they have to learn from a mistake, but just got stuck in the mistake, and that’s all.
Oana
Wow. This is a good question. What is something I could do that would make you never talk to me again?
Ioana
I think lying to me, but not only you, but I don’t know, has to be a very big lie, not something like stupid daily stuff. Lying, because I made a vow to always hold on to the truth.
Oana
So if I do little lies, it’s.
Ioana
Okay. Black lies are not allowed. Okay.
Oana
Good to know.
Ioana
You can lie to me if you know because you are wiser than me from a point of view.
Oana
So you can lie to me through a mission, like things that you’re not ready to share.
Ioana
Exactly. You are. Thank you for the Gray area. Giving me permission for the Gray. What is the greatest lesson I taught you?
Oana
I think trust because when we met in terms of how we were together in our work, it was coming from long-standing experience with a lot of I was trying to make up a team in my business, and I was having all these failures with people betraying me or lying to me or being totally unaccountable. And the moment you stepped into the business and into the project, you were just so accountable, clear, grounded, and doing the work. And it kind of shifted my experience with people in general that there are people that you can trust, that you can rely on, that you can feel safe with because they will be there and not necessarily for you. They will just be there like a rock. In 15 years from now on, do you think we’ll still be this close? Why or why not?
Ioana
No, I think we’ll be closer.
Oana
Hopefully, because you’re a late bloomer. In terms of intimacy, I’ll still have things to discover.
Ioana
Okay, speaking about intimacy, I think we can go through the whole pack of 200 cards. But I have some questions because we didn’t just do this randomly. We do it because of the feminine. We really talk a lot about sisterhood, intimacy, vulnerability, trust, and authenticity. And what we tried to illustrate by going through these questions, we’re not just knowing each other better or helping others to know each other better, but highlighting how you can answer or how you can listen or ask a question from a space of authenticity, trust, and appreciation. And I would like you to go a little bit deeper and tell us all why and especially how these values can really change the quality of relationships you have or the quality of people you will start attracting in your life if these qualities become bountiful.
Oana
Well, first of all, in our live events, we always give women access to a higher dimension of sisterhood, which is a spiritual component of the sacred space of the sacred circle, which is looking and being in the sacred circle, listening and speaking sacredly, which actually means no judging, no judging, and really deeply being receptive for the other woman’s story, the way it actually is for her, not the way you think it should be, not the way you try to help her or support her, but actually flow and be transparent with her own story, with her flow. And why is that so deeply important? Not only because it heals sisterhood, it kills competition between women, and it allows women to really be a channel, a vessel for the feminine energy to activate and flow from one another. And within the circle, which brings healing to everybody in the circle and those around and those at home, men, women, children, those close to us, but also because the flow of the energy allows us to have more energy. It’s exactly what we were saying. Through admiration, I tap into the beautiful qualities that the woman that I admire has.
Oana
So in the sacred circle, listening sacredly, not judging, speaking from the truth, speaking from the heart without the fear of being judged and not really doing anything with what’s being shared, but just being there, present to the sharing as a testimony of life is actually one of the very potent elixirs that the feminine energy in the sacred circle can bring. And it brings sisterhood to a whole new level because it ignites a spiritual component to the sisterhood. And this very fun exercise is a good practice or a good ritual you can have with your best friend or with a circle of girlfriends because we’ve known each other very intimately for a long time. But we don’t actually take the time to put those questions on the table and give those answers. And there are untapped things in our souls that we never get to share. And I think every time you share them in this space of vulnerability, you go deeper into intimacy.
Ioana
Yeah.
Oana
And I think this is not only the lesson that we are meant to bring into the world, holding intimacy for other people and for ourselves but also the lesson that we want to explore.
Ioana
And you’ll be surprised when you start actually verbalizing the appreciation you have for somebody. You realize that you never did that before. And you say, oh my God, I’m 33 and I never actually appreciated somebody using words. Of course, in our head maybe we appreciate somebody all the time, but actually saying it makes a huge difference. And it works. Not only what I learned because before I was introduced to this practice of sacred listening, but I was also very opinionated. And without realizing I had an opinion about everything. And even if that was helpful, like 90% of the time, the small 10% I made, somehow people felt judged. I think I don’t know judge, but having a strong opinion sometimes can sound like a judgment or look like a judgment. And I only realized this when a very good friend of mine who’s a boy speaking about his not sister or friend’s girlfriend who’s having a very good boyfriend, they’re like sort of Brotherhood between them who are going through a very difficult life situation. And he called me and he told me, just please tell me how I can support him because he’s really struggling. He doesn’t want to accept help from somebody who specialized.
Ioana
And I think I’m overwhelmed by his situation and I really desperate to help him as a brother. And I thought for me somehow the picture was clear. But the only thing I thought would really help him in an authentic way, I just said, just leave him alone. But go in your heart and just feel like you’re there for him. And I promise he’s going to feel it and he’s going to come to you and he’s going to trust you more than if you tried to do actively something to help him. And if you just learn to say good, listen, this shifts everything in your life and it works. It does.
Oana
It allows the person that’s speaking to speak all the words. And something magical happens when you are allowed to speak all the words. There is a moment, a very magical moment where there are no words left. And then you tap into your soul and whatever you access at that moment is the medicine you were looking for. And actually, that’s the most potent practice of listening, of the priesthood, of healing. You can bring as a woman not only to another woman but to your lover, to your child, to your parents.
Ioana
To whoever you feel appropriate to do that with how important it is to learn all these things in a sacred circle among women in our case, who knows how to listen and who know how to go in the sacred space.
Oana
I think it is essential Because we don’t know intimacy and we don’t know vulnerability and we don’t know how to experience feeling safe by being vulnerable and intimate being out there in the world with your chest open requires a lot of experience with pain to really be okay. Otherwise, it’s very traumatizing. So initiating yourself or saying yes to a circle that really holds these values and walks with integrity Allows you to know intimacy in the most healthy, most beautiful way. And then you can bring that lesson to everybody around you and beat this vessel, be this channel of vulnerability, authenticity deep through authentic love. And this is our invitation for all the women who want to be part of a sacred circle because we are holding that intention, we’re igniting that game and we’re holding that space for all the women who want to join us.
Ioana
We really do it in a very specific way, like we’re preparing a community program for our graduates. I think I can call them graduates or anyone who goes through any course made by the feminine can have access to a sacred community and a sacred circle, and that’s why we’re doing it.
Oana
Yes. And the reason they have to participate in any of our processes before Is because they have to go through the process of opening their sacred heart and sacred space comes along in each one of our programs because unless we actually open in the Hartfield to listening and sharing all this talk about the feminine is still theory. So if you really want to taste it and feel it and grab it in your life, Join us in the sacred space meditation. It’s the easiest way for us to go deeper together and then join our community.
Ioana
A lot of questions are starting to come into our inboxes from women who enrolled in our programs, and we promised we’re going to answer all the questions. And that’s another reason for the sacred circle to open Because we can interact between them and come up with very good answers. Even if they don’t know, they hold the answer already.
Oana
Yes.
Ioana
Thank you. And I’m just looking forward to the next podcast.
Oana
Yes, the 21st coming soon.
Ioana
Bye-bye, everybody.