Oana
If you can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. It’s our 16th and card episode, and we’re really enjoying it. And today we have a cool subject. It’s about relationships and sexuality. We kept teasing about talking about sexuality and how it plays out in relationships and how it plays out in different stages of the intimate relationship, the romantic relationship we have and we want and we create with our partner. So stay tuned. This is really going to be engaging for those who don’t know us yet. I am Oana, founder of Thefeminine.com. It’s an online platform dedicated to women all over the world. Our mission statement revolves around a totally new and fresh paradigm of self-care, well-being, and being feminine. I’ve been a transformational coach for 1415 years now, and I’ve dedicated the last aid to empowering women to trust their voice, follow their heart and embrace their womanhood completely. The feminine is the embodiment of my work, and its main focus and intention are to support women in acknowledging their true power, connecting with their authenticity, and giving a full expression of their gifts to the world. And it brings together practices and exercises and principles that are connected to the feminine principle, especially for women, but I think also for men.
Oana
And we are going to look at that more and more because we’re bringing different ways in which masculine and feminine can interact in our day-to-day life. So I’m back again with Ioana, my colleague, and my partner in crime.
Ioana
I have too many questions for today.
Oana
Jana. Oh, my God.
Ioana
I’m eager to jump into sexuality and sex questions, but I really want to start in a different way because I feel like nowadays everybody is talking about sexuality and sex and anything related or in between, but everybody forgets to address the context of sexuality. And that’s why I want to start with the question regarding relationships. What does the relationship really ask from you and the involved? Because all of us like this is a dream of the 21st century. We just want a relationship, but we just want to dream. And we’re not all the time aware of what the dream comes with or implies, and we’re never ready for what we dream for. So you are telling us in the last episode, we’ll put the link in the description for those who didn’t listen to the episode about the stages of a relationship. And I really clicked with what you’re starting to say because I think there’s a key for both those who are already in a relationship and have questions or bump into some issues, and for those who are not yet in a relationship but want to be in one, can you get us through the stages of a relationship one more time and put more focus on each stage in particular.
Oana
I think there are many stages to a relationship if we’re going to really look at life long-term committed relationships. There are many stages. What I think the big distinction is that people in our Western society have gained a legacy that relationships or successfully fulfilling relationships are the first stages of a relationship. When we fall in love, we bring all our fantasies and our projections to the space of the relationship. And we want that perfect scenario to stay there and remain there. And I think our generation is moving away from that pattern or from that reference as a successful reference in relationships. But it’s still not clear or we still haven’t created a dynamic that works. We’re exploring. We’re in the exploration phase, from monogamy to polygamy, from open relationships to committed relationships to long-term relationships to short relationships to single parents to whatever we’re exploring. We’re in many, many dynamics, which I think is great with all the drama that comes along because I think it’s the process that will help us in the end to achieve a more mature experience of relating that includes also the individual. But I think one of the things that we still need to grasp and understandable relationship is that it’s a living thing, it’s an organic thing.
Oana
And actually, each stage precedes a Plateau where you think the relationship is not okay anymore and it triggers you or you feel it’s boring, and you don’t know how to engage with that stage and how to move through that stage. And every stage requires a kind of symbolic death and reopening or reversing. Both of the individuals need to go through that portal and together as the relationship. And the dynamic plays on all levels, from sex to intimacy to communication to partnership to creation, all the aspects of the relationship. So there’s the beginning stage where the main words that describe the stage are excitement, mystery, and challenge, and seduction. And it’s such a good combo that it keeps you high for a long time, which is good, but it’s hot, it’s cool. The sex is great. Everything comes naturally. The hormones help you. You don’t look at the things that might not click. And it’s the beautiful part of the relationship. Everybody fantasizes about it. Everybody wants it. And it’s in a way driven by the adolescent energy, of hope, of future, of maybe here today with this guy, I’m going to have it all.
Oana
Whatever I dreamt of from when I was five until now, this is it. On a desert island, on a desert island, just me and him. He’ll be everything I ever wanted. And I think it’s a very cool stage that we should deeply enjoy. And it’s the click that puts people together. And then there’s a second stage, the stage above vulnerability. In a way, most of us avoid that stage, whether we go through it and stick to the relationship or not, avoid it. We’re leaving it while we’re avoiding it because our mobility stage is about accepting the other, which brings change. Not only he’s, not all the projections you ever wanted him to be. But he has his own issues, his own process, his own mission in life, and his own way of looking at life, looking at love, reacting, creating, and generating. And now there’s a reality check that brings a challenge to the relationship. And it’s the second stage, and it requires death. In a way, I don’t want to sound scary or frightening, but it is an awakening that comes from letting go of your projections and wanting to meet the other person.
Oana
And through patience, accepting what he truly is and accepting the downfall of the relationship or the things that are not perfect with him or with you or with the relationship. And I think this is a very important part, that if we look at it can be defined as the lesson of true love, which is acceptance. It’s not based on fantasy. It’s not based on excitement. It’s not based on challenge and seduction. It is based on the ability to look at the other, accept him with his cars and his wounds, and really create a deeper explanation or definition of love through acceptance. And most of us struggle with this because we don’t know how to be vulnerable with ourselves. So we don’t know how to step into our own emotions and our own shadows. So we have little space for the other to go in his full acceptance or in his full vulnerability. In the relationship, sex becomes sometimes very good and sometimes not so good. And we hit a Plateau. And as one of my colleagues was saying, when we hit that Plateau, we want to stir it up with a lot of sex, juicy stuff, out of the box stuff, because we’re afraid of what the vulnerability of this stage brings to the surface.
Oana
And the challenge of this stage, if we go through it, if we really dive into it and if we really accept the other and kind of say, okay, the whole point of the relationship is to love you the way you are. Then something amazing opens up after this stage, which is the capacity for love to change me and the capacity for love and the meeting of the two to create a bigger, stronger definition of each individual and then of the concept of love in reality. So it opens up a third stage in the relationship where now we know each other and we’re willing to work or willing to play with one another with acceptance and engage in what the other has best and nurture and support that then making love becomes a very fulfilling experience. Because once you are also vulnerable, not just excited, then there’s a depth of feeling and a soul experience in the dynamic of the meeting of the two.
Ioana
Hold your thought. I have a question because what I hear is one of the keys to fulfillment is knowing how to navigate through all these stages. But what I also hear is that it is very important to not skip none of these stages. I remember when I was at the beginning of a relationship, which was very nice, and he was almost the perfect man, but zero chemistry. Like sexually speaking, we had no chemistry. And it’s not like I didn’t have the courage to address that, but I was confused and didn’t even know if that was really an issue, a relevant issue at that point in my life. We didn’t know each other, so I really didn’t know who to ask. I mean, okay, I could have asked one of my girlfriends, but no, I wouldn’t have been happy with the answer. And not knowing who to ask, I asked a friend and he gave me probably the smartest answer. Like I asked him, what do you do if you don’t have this connection, this physical sexual connection at the beginning of a relationship? Can you develop it over time? And here’s the most unexpected answer. Your search for it in some other place.
Ioana
So probably like to the same extent, it’s important to know how to navigate through different stages. It’s also important to stay very real and connected to what you want from the first, second, and third, etc. The stage.
Oana
What you’re saying is you should probably figure out in that one year and a half through the excitement, if you have enough to hold you through all the stages because of the moment when you have to go from one stage to another, it will be tough. And then you’ll have to really understand if it’s worth it or if you have that click enough. But on the other side of it and there’s a very strong spiritual say about relationships. If the sex holds, then the relationship has a chance to hold. Because our sexual life in relationships mirrors our stages of intimacy. And it’s very little known that we actually experience and we should experience and we should develop our sexual life linked to the awareness of the emotional stages of a relationship. Because the moment we hit, for example, the Plateau between the first stage and the second stage, between excitement and vulnerability, we might experience a decrease in our sexual life or downfall. And we think the relationship is not working and we try to spice it up in many ways or avoid the unworkability. But that’s just a sign on a very basic level, which is the sex life of the relationship.
Oana
It’s a sign of Oops. We should pay more attention. We’re growing in the relationship and we need to define new ways of interacting with one another. And it’s a birth.
Ioana
And if this happens at the beginning of a relationship.
Oana
Well, if it happens at the beginning of a relationship, but you’re still drawn to it in my experience, then the way you are coming together or the lesson you are having is not based on chemistry. It’s based on an emotional or psychological or spiritual realm. And it may carry out as a romantic relationship, or it may transform into something else because it depends on where the link is and where you do click.
Ioana
So you just have to hold on and not disconnect from the very beginning. If you’re not really connecting from a social point of view.
Oana
From the first day, I don’t know. I can’t answer that. I think it’s a choice, but I think the question is, what do I want? What are my values? And what am I actually getting or being triggered by? In my experience, sex is very important because it is an unconscious dynamic that communicates beyond our mind and our taboos and our habits and helps us through. But it’s not the only thing that keeps the relationship going, by far, no acceptance, patience, commitment, true values, or the capacity to commit to something holds a relationship together because I’ve worked with couples who were married for a long time, had three kids, no sex life anymore, and they had to go through their individual process and their partnership process, and it didn’t include sex for a while, and then they came together, a breakthrough on the other side, and sex was again alive. So sexual dynamic, present or absent, can actually be a mirror of other aspects that are playing out in the relationship.
Ioana
Like the inner girl, you were telling about in the last episode. Like she’s able to sabotage. If you don’t address her correctly, she’s able to sabotage your sexual development totally.
Oana
I think in the excitement stage of the relationship, we’re meeting and making love like adolescents, like playing, we’re playing, we’re seducing. It’s all about this challenging mystery game. And then in the second stage, we have to grow up in our vulnerability. And then it shifts from excitement to know one another and working with and playing with one another, allowing intimacy and vulnerability, emotional and sexual, to be much more present. In a way, it’s a much more fulfilling way of making love, but it has to come from the courage of opening up, truly opening up. It’s not so connected to image as it is connected to feeling. So the dynamic changes from something outside to something inside. And you really have to communicate a lot and be very authentic about what you like and what you don’t like for real. So that part of the relationship can really open up and you can experience deeper. We want to talk about sexuality and we should address it. You can experience deeper orgasms and much more fulfilling sexuality if you’re willing to not look so perfect and really willing to allow space for your emotions in the act of making love.
Oana
And it’s a game that the girl can’t really own and the woman can, but the girl will have her limits and deep sexuality in the lineages that really work with sexual energy and really guide you into a much more grounded experience of your own sexuality and of making love. You have to go on your own in the process of discovering your sexuality through the stages and go from the inner girl to the woman. As in relationships, the pattern of your sexuality changes, and it includes plateaus. It includes disconnection, fragmentation, and separation because it’s part of life and it’s okay. But as we say in deeply grounded sexuality, you experience fulfilling orgasms and a deep, fulfilling sexual life. The moment you allow these plateaus to be present and you relax with them, you understand that they’re like cycles of life. They’re part of life. And then what you open up to is your capacity to be orgasmic much more than through sex, through sexual intercourse in life in general. Because if you allow vulnerability to be part of your perception of life, then you expand. You open up to all of life, and that gives you access to pleasure in all aspects of life, including your sexual life.
Ioana
There’s a lot of dialogue on this topic nowadays about the orgasmic experience. But for many of us, it’s still abstract. What’s the difference between orgasm and fulfilling orgasm? Full body orgasm. And you say, how many other orgasms do we have?
Oana
Full body orgasm. Let’s put it like this, the main distinction between Western society and Eastern society is because Eastern society, Asia, especially China, and India, have a track record of success in working with sexual energy. Spiritual images have come and work with sexual energy and have given human beings access to a deeper understanding, a deeper perception around sex, around sexuality, around your sexual energy. First and foremost, sexual energy is life energy. So whenever we talk about full-body orgasm, we talk about actually the activation of our body as a living thing, which is the main disruption right here, right now. Because in Western society, we are so mind-oriented that our connection with our body is through the mind. We have a concept about our body. We have a relationship with the image of our body. And sex folds into that category. So if we’re confident with the image of our body, then we open up sexually, and we have sex. We play with tools in our sexual life. And sex is great. But it comes down to a very narrow feeling or an experience that happens through sex because it’s very pragmatic and it’s very.
Oana
How do I say it? It’s really just short, quick, and connected to the genitals.
Ioana
It’s like a workout sometimes.
Oana
Yeah. It’s like a good yoga class. And you use it like a fitness class. You use it to discharge your energies. Where in Eastern society, in Eastern culture, your sexual energy is your life force energy. And it moves through your body between Earth and the sun, ongoingly. And there are subtle channels that open your perception, your senses, and your capacity to feel so that you can experience the energy of life itself. In nature, for example, which has the vibration of ecstasy so life force, energy, natural energy is ecstatic and the moment you come from the mind into your body and you open your body not only as a physical vessel but as an energetic vessel then that life course is renewed, refreshed and it starts moving through your body so you start feeling life and sensations and pleasure with all of your body Are you aware for somebody who’s just hearing this for the first time it sounds like impossible Well, yes, but the point is it’s much more palpable and real and easy than you can actually think and you don’t even have to go on a Bali find yourself retreat and look for the mysteries of life I don’t need a tantric lover can help but you have to become tantric so it’s not the tantric lover that will help, it’s your perception or your capacity to open up and for women is the most natural process and what does it require?
Oana
That’s why I have the audacity to say just like that because it’s so natural for women and funny enough it requires grounding the capacity to stay barefooted going nature, connect through your heart and your home with the energy of the Earth channel that energy into your body, extend your warmth, your heart and allow that flow of energy to move through you and for those who really want to do a practice and a guided meditation we have four pillars of femininity where you can start the journey and that’s just going to carry the day if you do it constantly of course, it will expand you into finding a new level of opening up and breaking through and then we have coming soon, probably hopefully a program around sensuality where you work with your sexual energy and you refine it because of the very stages of grounding you experience it as a wild force and you need to tame it but slowly you can really open up from inside out and you can experience pleasure in nature without having sex and then sex just becomes a context in which you can play with your sexual energy and really play with the partner and experience the ebbs and the flows of this energy because it comes like the tides of the water it’s a lot of pleasure and then there’s a Plateau and you have to move through the Plateau and the pleasure state and have to own, contain, breathe with know yourself in all those stages it opens a woman to experience fulfilling orgasms beyond just 20 minutes of sex which often is dysfunctional for a woman yes, because in 20 minutes you don’t even go into real opening, you don’t even go past the foreplay, your waters
Oana
don’t even open up and you’re done no, your partner is done, he’s done and you’re frustrated you don’t know how to ask for it because you haven’t developed a relationship with your own needs sexually and with your own sexual energy and I’m totally up for, and I totally recommend women do Tantra and Tau practices. And I think it’s really great that this information is out there. But for me, while I was exploring this process, I really came to understand that women need to do the grounding work, the nourishment of the inner girl, the connection with her mother, and then open up to the sexuality and the wildness of the woman. Because unless they do that inner work on an emotional level, they can’t really contain emotionally and energetically the wildness of full-body orgasms and deeply fulfilling orgasms. Why? Because they can’t claim it. They don’t know it in their own body, because they haven’t taken the time to discover their own body with themselves, and they can’t guide the men into that. So they’re left with, oh, but I need a tantric lover to have fulfilling orgasms. No, you don’t need you to need a man who’s open to you, and he won’t be open to that part of your sexuality unless you have mapped it before the relationship on your own.
Oana
Everybody wants fulfilling orgasms. Come on. Even men ask a man if he would want to learn how to please you all night, and I dare you. You will not have a no, he doesn’t know how to. That’s a different conversation.
Ioana
That’s a very important point because many of us don’t address that because we’re afraid because we don’t know how to do it and we repeat ourselves that we just have to get to use or we simply forgot in time. How can we address how do we learn to address it in a very healthy and empowering way in front of a man? Okay, I understood. We have to do the work, start to the work with ourselves and on our own. But in the end, if you have a partner who is not open-minded enough or he’s not willing to be there in the same circumstances and the same quality as you want for sexual acts to happen, how can you address that in a healthy and fulfilling way?
Oana
Well, you do the process on your own enough that you experience the woman inside of you knowing herself, being free with a man who can’t go there with her, and opening up to a man who can go there with her. And then you invite that person into this game. But it won’t come from an inner girl, emotional, frustrated, upset, full of expectations, and ready to run a drama or a tantrum if the man is slow at the beginning and opens up to this concept.
Ioana
So it just doesn’t go or you walk away.
Oana
Because that’s what a normal woman does. A woman is connected with her health, and her needs, and is confident enough will walk away, and it will attract a man who’s ready to go there with her in her depth.
Ioana
So you just don’t go. Honey, we need to have a conversation. What?
Oana
No, we’re not talking about sex or having sex, or we’re not having sex. It’s either going to be fulfilling and we go all the way through, or it’s not a negotiation about it. It’s okay for the man to say no because he may be trapped in his fear around the unknown and he needs to step up into vulnerability. It’s very shocking for men to hear that the Plateau phase of the relationship or the sexual life is just a stage he has to go through. And it’s a very beautiful story that Theresa Pinkolais has really portrayed in Women Run with the Wolfs. And it’s a strong legacy for men and women and couples as well. Her work where she says that actually the relationship includes making love with a woman and making love with the dead woman, and only by the man stepping into making love, both partners stepping into making love with a deaf woman will that turn into a full, deep relationship because he has to die. You have to die. Full-body orgasms are preceded by death. Your ego dies and your orgasm gets birthed.
Ioana
So when you say a dead woman, you just make reference to the death of the ego of the woman.
Oana
Because this stirs the emotional realm deep, fulfilling sexuality will bring your hidden, suppressed emotions to the surface, and you need vulnerability on both sides to contain them. And it’s vulnerable for both partners and not just a woman. The benefit of a woman, not a girl guiding the process of her sexual life with her partner is that she’s more comfortable in owning those emotions with herself and then initiating the man into the emotional landscape.
Ioana
The question popped into my mind. I don’t know if it’s necessarily relevant, you tell me, but I think there are many women who encounter the problem, like having a partner who has this very inspired by the porn industry approach to sex, and she doesn’t know how to address it, and she just starts doing the same thing, even if for her is not fulfilling. Is this topic relevant for a woman’s sexuality because it sounds extremely dysfunctional?
Oana
It’s definitely relevant because that’s exactly the pattern that needs to die.
Ioana
And it’s the pattern that’s spreading around.
Oana
Well, it’s the 99% pattern of the Western society in which the energy in which women are held, whether that man loves you or not, but by the porn dynamic of the sexual life, the woman is objectified.
Ioana
And that’s exactly what’s dysfunctional for a woman being objectified, of course.
Oana
And even if the man loves you, if he plays out porn dynamic, the energy of your sex life with him is an energy in which the feminine energy is objectified. And that’s so diminishing and so narrow and limited for you as a woman that you can’t really experience anything because it doesn’t give you a context of full safety so that you can surrender. It is said in the Eastern part of Making Love that a woman deeply surrenders if she feels totally secure, while a woman can’t feel totally secure in the arms of her beloved, unless she is loved unconditionally and accepted without fear, in her deep emotions, in her sadness, in her anger, in her disappointment, unless she feels that man, that partner can walk with her through her emotions, she won’t surrender. Why? Because deep, fulfilling orgasms imply deep emotions. You will laugh, you will cry, you will be angry, and it will be part of the sexual encounter, the sexual dynamic. Because you can’t experience deep, fulfilling orgasms without emotions. It’s impossible. That’s why I do so much work on emotions, because the moment you are fluid in your capacity to go deep with your emotional landscape, you will sexually open up.
Oana
It will be natural. The sex center for women opens in her capacity to run with her emotions, and she will test the man. Is this man brave enough to stand with me when I’m angry in a deep sexual encounter, will he hold me in his arms while I cry? And if she doesn’t feel that, she won’t open up. So being objectified just pushes her much further away.
Ioana
Exactly. Now it pops into my mind. The movie. I don’t remember exactly the title, but the story was he was addicted to pornography and he couldn’t connect with anybody. And it was a vicious circle. And everything shifts like the pattern shifts once he really falls in love. The first layer was that he was completely disconnected from everything because the emotion of falling in love was so strong and so new for him that he really got stuck in everything.
Oana
Which actually meant his porno-sex dynamic disappeared.
Ioana
Disappeared. And you understand from that that the porno-sex dynamic was a consequence of being disconnected from his emotions. And then after starting slowly, slowly to get unstuck, he starts to connect with a woman, not with porn movies and with his previous mindset around sexuality. This is a problem of men being disconnected from their emotions.
Oana
Yeah. Pornography is about disconnection to emotions, your own emotions, and the emotions of the woman and the partner. And I think men also need their emotional connection during sex. But this is very important for women. And funny enough, I want to address this for men now, not for women, because I want to give them an incentive why they should do the work because it’s somehow painful, frustrating, and hard work. It could occur hard work for a man to let go of such an easy ride, especially if women are so used to gratifying pornography just to keep the relationship going. But he will deeply experience pleasure and ecstasy, a deep, full ecstasy if he’s willing to learn to embrace the emotions of his woman.
Ioana
The emotions of his woman.
Oana
The emotion of his woman, and will open up him to a whole new level of potency and fertility in his libido and his capacity to hold an erection in his capacity to make love all night without him going to any country courses. And I have this with the husbands of the women that I’ve worked with and they were like, oh my God, what happened to you? The man was asking the wife. I actually have a sharing on that. And it’s like, well I can’t explain it, I’ve just done my feminine work. I don’t even have to tell you what I did the grounding and all this feminine stuff, but it’s like I secured myself with my emotions and I was able to be more vulnerable and to open up as a woman that played out in her sexual life with her husband and he became because he was open to her and he didn’t have any labels and didn’t want to control the dynamic. He just surrendered and got initiated. He stepped up to a whole new level of manhood.
Ioana
It requires a leap of faith from men.
Oana
It sounds like bravery for women and men as well, but it’s totally worth it.
Ioana
So women can be considered like the feminine energy can be considered as a portal for men to also be able to experience the next level of pleasure, intimacy. And it’s easier for a man to start opening up in the presence of a woman than on his own.
Oana
Only if his ego will not stay in the way.
Ioana
Yeah, that stuff totally.
Oana
He’s going to have a gorgeous goddess in front of him. How cannot that be juicy and exciting and very stimulating if he can let his ego and I’m the King of the world on top of the game, controlling the situation?
Ioana
I’m in control. I know everything. I’m proficient at this. Coming back to the beginning of our conversation, how can a couple who’s at the second or the third, or even the fourth stage of a relationship start addressing the plateaus you are talking about? What are the practical solutions if there are practical solutions?
Oana
Well, actually I had an amazing project called a project because it took I think three and a half years. I was working with a couple and boy, these people were so brave. It was just like work to write a novel on it and to give you a little bit of context. The woman came with a big trauma. Like she was really messed up on an emotional level because of her childhood, and her relationship with her father. She was very confused, she was very vulnerable, she was very wounded and it got triggered by her need to change her career and do something fulfilling and she didn’t know what. So this pushed her into therapy and we started working together her husband was very open-minded and they were a very open-minded couple in terms of concepts and ideas. And I started working with her around her wound and around her trauma and after about one year and a half, her husband started coming to therapy as well. He wanted that, so it was on him. And the first stage of the relationship, they had to move through patience, the big patience.
Ioana
In the room.
Oana
He had to be patient with her process of healing and she had to be patient with how long it took for her to heal and find out who she was and have a clear voice. Funny enough, in this whole process that took two years, she discovered she was not at all compatible with him and she doesn’t want to be with him to see exactly what they were asking at the beginning. And it was like a big revelation for her because, in the healing process, she discovered she has a different pattern of attraction towards men. And she chose her husband because it felt safe for her on an emotional level. And he was kind. The man was a very classical, monogamous, romantic type of man. So he would fight for his family and for his marriage no matter what. And he would be willing to do all the effort and stay as long as he needed and do all the therapy work just to keep his family together. Because he lost his father when he was very young, his father abandoned him and he promised himself, that will not happen to his children. So they were both writing a story.
Oana
In the second stage of the relationship, they had to go into acceptance. She had to own that she doesn’t have chemistry with him and kind of start stating that in the relationship and he had to accept that he’s a family-oriented guy and that his marriage right now is not really playing out.
Ioana
And she really addressed that to him.
Oana
Yeah, it took a while to work with both of them individually to be prepared to own this truth. But they were both very brave. They did a lot of individual work, a lot of individual work, so they came to the truth for her. This is who I am and I can’t really lie about it. And for him, this is why I’m and I can’t really lie about it. And they were different types of personalities. Like, she would need a pole to me and she would need monogamy. It was really interesting. How do you come in a relationship to that stage where you understand that you want to be faithful because that’s who you are and it’s not connected to what your partner does, and then you have to give freedom for whatever your partner is because that’s acceptance and that’s love, and you are complete with you not stepping into polygamy because that doesn’t work for you. So it is a very beautiful, very complicated, very multi-dimensional layered project. But they both were United in the same value of family, of them, although they were hitting this huge Plateau of lack of sex and lack of chemistry and kind of like lack of romance.
Oana
They were both clear that they didn’t want to divorce and educate their children separately. So they kind of hold on there through the family value, but not sacrificing themselves for the family value, really staying the truth, really being vulnerable. And once they were ready to accept that their relationship died sexually and both of them really understood who they were in this process, something opened up for them, which was the capacity to be friends and acknowledging that they both need time apart from the relationship and really open up to other people as access to figuring out how they’re either going to be together as a couple again or find a way to be co-parent without being a couple. And they broke up eventually, miraculously. No, they both did the process and communicated with one another from a very responsible and accountable space. I worked with them for four years individually. Both of them had the experiences they had to have spiritually. And it didn’t include sex with other people necessarily, because everybody goes there, I have an affair. And I said, no, it actually includes meditation, retreats, and healing. It includes sex with other people. But it wasn’t about sex with other people.
Oana
It’s about their own process of discovering sexuality at a whole new level. They did a lot of tantric work and process, and they burst through on the other side. It was a huge miracle that’s a commitment as a whole, that’s marriage in the real sense of general.
Ioana
In this kind of dynamic, one of the partners becomes disruptive and runs away, and the other one clings. And it really requires commitment.
Oana
Yeah. And then it requires the other one to stay and the other one to stop clinging. And it was a whole journey of self-healing and self-awareness. It was just mind-blowing and beautiful. After four years, they called me, and we want to honor you and celebrate you because you are the rocking partner in our project. And we went to lunch, and they were like, we can’t believe we’re experiencing a whole new level of sexual chemistry in our dynamics. It shifted the most important. Yeah. It was a total breakthrough. They had a breakthrough, and they met at a whole new level, sexually and romantically, in the mature adult version of themselves, because they started the relationship when they were young. They had three kids which put the relationship on hold for a while. Kids do that. And then after the kids, it took like three to four years to figure out their relationship for the rest of their lives. But now it’s grounded in truth, it’s grounded in vulnerability. It’s real. They know who they are. They know their inner values as individuals and as a couple. And the rock solids, it was just beautiful.
Ioana
Does this kind of work also imply communication? Because I don’t know the whole theory, but I know that Terrell has a very interesting thesis. Somebody considers it controversial because she says that not all the time. Communication really takes you to the other side because if you don’t know how to communicate in a healthy way, you can damage it.
Oana
I don’t agree with her. It required communication with me, individual communication with their therapist, totally open and then in different parts of the process, communication with one another in different ways, in different layers. It’s a very complex subject, but it does require communication. Unless communication happens, it won’t carry the day. But not communication just like that.
Ioana
Yes, but if you open any magazines in women’s magazines or math magazines, you’ll just see these cliches like communication is key. But communicating you can see stupid things because you don’t know where to say them in a very healthy way.
Oana
Sure. When it comes to relationships or big changes in life, I’m very cautious. I really give this recommendation of taking the real-time and being patient with your decision and really owning it until you communicate it to other people. I don’t rush things in that realm, but you have to tell the truth to yourself and that’s part of communication. And I think another big secret is really being willing to let go and experience failure. Like one of the things I do with couples is they come to me and they’re on the bridge of divorce or they’re really struggling. I say to them, you may end up divorced or you may end up together. And I’m not going to fight for any of this. I’m just going to keep intending for the truth of your dynamic to show up and settle in. And if you are willing to accept that it may end, then you’re really going to have enough energy to fight that it won’t.
Ioana
Cool. I would like to go back a little too. Can you imagine what I’m thinking about right now? I really want to end this podcast with some hands-on hope for all the women who are listening to us and really give them something that can help them work with their bodies, with their emotions to achieve those full-body orgasms you were talking about, or at least be on the right track to them. Well, first of all.
Oana
You have the natural capacity for full-body orgasms. It’s in you. You just have to open up to that possibility. You will be the one guiding your relationship, your love affair, or your marriage to succeed. It really comes down to the woman.
Ioana
The mindset is really important.
Oana
Not only the mindset but the attitude and settling into your true power. So doing that work, mapping your own sexual territory, understanding your emotions, opening up to pleasure through your senses, through little things are worth it because they are building confidence and they are making you stronger as a woman and they’re bringing you to your true inner gift that once you will claim them with awareness and with Eastern and with Grace. They will entice, inspire, and they will make the men in your life surrender to a whole new level of beauty, passion, and intimacy, and deep, fulfilling sexuality. And it’s the woman, it’s the real woman that’s going to make that change. And you have that power in you. And just opening up to the simple Practices Starts the journey of you meeting that power.
Ioana
I think I’m going to be picky now, but somewhere like, what can I do this evening when I go home to connect with this possibility? This is one question and the second question is, how can I guide my partner into surrendering to this possibility?
Oana
Join our website and buy four players of femininity because it will guide you. I’m joking, but I’m not joking because it will guide you into a process and it will help you relax and surrender to your own inner sanctuary. As a feminine, the first thing you can do Is go home and really relax and really put yourself in a very sensual atmosphere. But not with the idea of achieving something, just opening up to your senses, smelling, tasting, and hearing something that gives you pleasure Because it stirs up your feminine energy. And then meet your man, whether he’s coming home tired or wants to play a video game or wants to go to bed or he’s just fully blown away by your energy with compassion and kindness, not with I’m sensual. Now you have to come and let’s have sex and you have to be a stud. No, because you have to show me and prove to me that my investment in my own sexuality is worth the trouble. Now, just be kind. And if he’s not available, fine. Respect that. Give him space. If he’s available. Play just beautifully. Play with no agenda and no need to shift something in the dynamic.
Oana
Achieve a full-bone orgasm and try to make a change in the relationship. Just play like you were playing at the very beginning when you met and your sensual energy being activated by the easiness and Grace of playfulness with no agenda. It just brings refreshed energy to the relationship and it opens people up to one another. And then intimacy naturally flows. So that’s how you can practice today.
Ioana
I’ll do that. And I also give this tip to all the men and women friends in my life and come back with feedback from M two.
Oana
Okay, Mr. Amp. So I hope this was challenging but inspiring for people. It was a much more advanced conversation, but I think we need also advanced context for the challenges that we face and how to turn those challenges into inspiring opportunities. So I hope we left you inspired and open to exploring new territory stories in your love life, in your sex life, and in relationships. And stay tuned. Much more. Subjects are on their way.
