Oana
Hello, and welcome to a fresh episode of UNCUT The Feminine Podcast. It’s our 11th episode, and we’re still counting. And today we’re going to discuss something super interesting, and I hope it’s going to be very useful for you. So grab your headphones and stay tuned. Before getting the ball rolling, I want to just take a couple of seconds and acknowledge your feedback. And thank you for it, because we started this podcast very shyly, and it’s becoming strong, and that’s thanks to you. So knowing that what we do at The Feminine reaches out to your life and makes a difference, enlivens your life, makes you love more, keeps us very tuned to the subject and motivated, and gives us a boost in your creativity. So really, thank you for that. And keep rolling the questions. Keep rolling the feedback for the newcomers. I’m Oana, and I’ll be your host for the next half an hour together with my colleague Ioana. And we’re trying to find the best possible answers and ways of looking at life that can really empower your womanhood. For those who don’t know me yet, I’m the founder of TheFeminine.com. It’s an online platform dedicated to women all over the world.
Oana
Our mission statement revolves around a totally new and fresh paradigm of self-care, well-being, and being feminine at The Feminine. We really believe that The Feminine Principle can be a guide to our lives, and it can enrich us not only on a personal level but on a social level as well. So we are developing, creating, and looking at practices and ways in which we can take The Feminine Principle into our lives and enrich our lives with it. I’ve been a transformational coach for 1415 years now, and I’ve dedicated the last aid to empowering women to trust their voices, follow their hearts, and embrace their womanhood completely. The Feminine is the embodiment of my work, and its main focus and intention are to support women in acknowledging their true power, connecting with their authenticity, and giving a full expression of their gifts to the world. And it brings together practices and exercises and principles that are connected to The Feminine principle, especially for women, but I think also for men. And we are going to look at that more and more because we’re bringing different ways in which masculine and feminine can interact in our day-to-day life.
Oana
So, Ioana, what are we going to talk about today?
Ioana
I’ll be getting to the subject, but I’m very happy that the masculine popped up in The Feminine because of our boyfriends, men, and friends. Tell me, why are you exclusively talking about women? We need that kind of knowledge and insights, too.
Oana
So maybe it’s more and more that we are receiving this kind of feedback. It’s true.
Ioana
Yes, that’s true. Today, after 6 hours of trolling in the park in the neighborhood, we have decided to come up with an answer. Even if the concept of an answer is vague to the question, how? Because one of the questions we receive a lot from people, women, and men who listen to our podcast is how do you embody the feminine? How do you bring the feminine principle? How to so that’s a good opportunity to narrow the subject a bit. And let’s think of four. Let’s say four is a round number. If we were to deconstruct the habits of femininity into four subdomains, what those subdomains would be?
Oana
Yeah, great, because otherwise it becomes very abstract and you don’t know how to pinpoint it in your day-to-day life. And I think the feminine principle is a very complex, very textured, very multilayered, and multi-dimensional principle and can teach us many things in many ways. But narrowing it down to some habits or ways of interacting that are feminine and that we can bring into our work or into our daily life or into our relationship is really powerful. My skepticism at the beginning in answering how melted when I really understood that we need that to really grasp the concept and start using it, actually. And when we brainstormed it, we really looked at pillars, like some foundational ways in which we could describe the feminine and leave the feminine. And one of the ways that we saw that actually, the feminine brings in time through practice is emotional awareness, which debunks the myth that women are hysterically emotional and in this way, uncontrollable and weak. Because emotional awareness requires emotional maturity, and emotional maturity requires clarity about your emotions, which is a very profound feminine pathway and practice to understanding your deep emotions and even expanding your emotional field.
Oana
And we’re going to talk more in detail about it. Another pillar that came up was acknowledging and allowing our intuition to be part of the process of creating, deciding, and acting, and not just rushing into acting. And don’t consider just the gut feeling, because sometimes people consider, oh, I always trust my gut, and that means I trust my intuition. Yes. That’s a very first-ground, first-level way of working with your intuition. There’s much more to brainstorm around that subject, a very important trait of the feminine. And it’s a pillar, I think that we need to focus on and bring in our society ongoingly. It’s nurturing and creating a safe space and creating a space in which we can feel that all that we are on a human level is included. So nurturing and how we nurture and how we nurture ourselves is a very important part of the feminine unfolding. And then how do you embody it? Because I think we need to become the vehicles, the channels of this feminine principle, to really make a difference. So for us women, it’s very important to do the practice and learn the feminine way to that extent where we are becoming it, and it’s natural and it makes a difference for everybody around us.
Ioana
Let’s stop and think about emotional awareness for a bit. How is emotional awareness different from just being emotional? Because that’s a conflicting perception still embedded in our society.
Oana
Well, first of all, emotional awareness is a breaching of the masculine and the feminine within you. Because you are emotional, you are instinctual, you are sensorial. You are allowing all of these things that are showing up inside of you and in your relationship with the external environment. And you are allowing them, but you’re not taken over by them. You’re not overwhelmed by them. You are observing them, you’re breathing with them, which is in a way bringing awareness, bringing the masculine, bringing the container for those emotions. So that opens up a whole new world of balancing inside of you, thinking and feeling.
Ioana
I need to come up with an example, and I will have a question to help you with that. For example, when I’m extremely mad because someone does not answer a message, people today really do not answer back to texts.
Oana
That actually happens. Yes.
Ioana
I don’t know why, but it happens. And I just feel this rage coming up. What’s the most healthy and mature way to deal with that emotion?
Oana
Well, first of all, acknowledge the rage. And rather than project it, like keep the dynamic of blaming in place, look at it, take responsibility for your emotions, and really ask the question, why am I in rage? What is it about this that triggers me in such a way? And then you will allow the emotion to guide you because the emotion has the answer. And if you just allow it and breathe with it, which is a very feminine way of dealing with your emotions, it will bring awareness. Most of the time, rage is about boundaries, and either you give too much or you don’t give too much. And it is a way of understanding how you can create boundaries in a way that’s powerful and that expresses who you are. And it totally changes the dynamic of a relationship because the moment you can step into your own boundaries with awareness and create that in the dynamic of any relationship, whether it’s romance, friendship, or colleagues at work, then you are stepping into that type of relationship where you know, you can tell all that you are and you will be respected for it. And the funny thing about this dynamic with relationships and emotional awareness is people have the expectation that others will understand their boundaries and act accordingly.
Oana
And actually, nobody understands your boundaries. You have to be the one mapping it and then asking our contracting or creating those limits with the other people around you. And that is a benefit of your emotions and your connection with your emotions. And you become more aware of that.
Ioana
Is it like a muscle? Because I hear you and I also try all the time when I’m getting triggered because all the time it’s obvious the situation is never very important. It must be something external that triggers me that much. And I’m always remembering and keep on going back to this awareness, awareness, and breathing with awareness. But I think it’s like a muscle. We need time. We should not expect that. Okay. I’m now learning for the first time about emotional awareness. And tonight I’m going to be the Queen of emotional awareness.
Oana
No, it’s totally practice. It’s totally taking time. It’s a muscle that you have to develop and come to think about. In ancient times when women were initiated from the moment they were four or five, it was also a developmental stage that requires growth into it. So when you are allowing your emotions to run through you and breathe with them and become aware and you’re five and your emotional landscape develops through that practice, whatever you come across in your life as a child, girl, teenager, and a young woman is enveloped in that structure. So of course, when you’re stepping into maturity as a woman, you are very grounded in your emotional landscape and very in-depth with it. That doesn’t happen within 4 hours of becoming aware of your emotions after 30 years of denying them. So you have to give yourself permission, you have to give yourself time and you have to consider why you do it. And why do it is because you will Pierce through what it’s called emotional immaturity. And it’s not something to blame. Immaturity is not a bad word, but you will Pierce through that. It depends. No, it’s just the state.
Oana
It’s the state of your emotional landscape. And you appear through that. And there’s something amazing going to open up in the practice, which is access to your full in depth of emotional capacity, which will bring intimacy and love and connection to that grounded level you are thirsty for. So it’s worth vulnerability, which is another thing emotions teach us is really worth it.
Ioana
So observe the situation, observe the emotion, breathe with it, honor whatever feelings pop up, and have the patience to let everything find it like a river, find its own way, and answers, hopefully about you will come up. And I was saying the same example just to make the connection with the second pillar. When I was observing not replying to the tax situation I previously mentioned. It was worse than other times and I told you I’m so happy when this time it wasn’t that bad. But I wish next time I would be able to see it before it happens. And I think here’s where intuition comes and asks for it to be introduced.
Oana
I don’t think you have to see it before it comes. I think seeing it before it comes is more about knowing yourself. And if we actually connect with our intuition as a tool to know ourselves, then yes, it’s connected to intuition. But one of the things I want to take out of the intuition is this superficial magic thinking about intuition, which is much more like I’m staying in a low disposition and it’s a divination process. And something will come to me from the above and my intuition will unlock and I will be this priestess who is going to give this mystical whatever. Developing your intuition is not about that. Developing your intuition is in a way very scientifically proven already. It’s actually being so connected and knowing yourself so clearly that you can communicate with parts of yourself that are deeper and more complex that do not reside in the rational mind. So intuition is a vehicle. It’s a language of communication with other parts of ourselves. Because we’re very complex human beings. We don’t just have a mind, we have a heart, we have a lot of things, we have an unconscious, and we have a soul.
Oana
So all those things live in a different realm, in a way, in a different dimension. And intuition is the way in which we as women language the messages that are coming from these deeper parts of ourselves. That’s why it’s always said that the woman knows ahead of time because she can, through her feminine practice, be so attuned to the environment that she can really hear, see, and listen to what is whispered in between the words of the rational mind. And it is a mystical experience, but it’s not a magical thinking experience.
Ioana
It’s more of a learning process.
Oana
Yes. And why bringing emotional awareness to your day-to-day life will allow your intuition to unfold? Because it’s a sequence of things. They’re very connected, truly because emotional awareness will bring you to that point of knowing yourself in a deeper way. Totally.
Ioana
It’s amazing because we use and we consume a lot of energy focusing on the other and trying to imagine what’s the next gesture of the other. But we’re never paying attention to our gestures and looking at what we should do for ourselves, not for others.
Oana
And how we influence others at the moment. You close your eyes and you really go inside and you really stay with your emotions and understand what they’re bringing us a message and learn what the intuition is trying to tell you from other parts of who you are. You are changing the dynamic of the relationship just by that practice in itself. And the other will respond rationally to something that happened very subtly. That’s one of the things why I always advise in my women’s workshops and initiations to go home and this island don’t Nag the men about everything they’ve learned in the women’s workshop because the more you go inside and the more you’re in silence and in peace and really do the inner work as a woman, that’s the message. That’s a very strong, clear message you’re putting out there. And the men will respond to that, or the person will respond to that. And it always does. It’s amazing. And you experience this inner strength of the feminine principle, which is to do the work inside and you’ll shift something outside. And it really is that feminine way.
Ioana
And how do you keep on finding the drive? Because all the time we look for instant gratification and we want instant feedback for our growth processes or for changing our actions or the way we do things. And when we don’t receive that feedback, we just get messed up. How can we stay in the process without expecting instant gratification or feedback?
Oana
Actually, feedback happens almost instantly, but we don’t see it because we’re trying to look for the feedback with a rational mind. So this is a very funny thing about us humans. We’re trying, for example, we’re taking on the practice and we’re trying the practice, which is working on a subtle dimension. And then we end the practice and we’re looking with the rational mind for feedback about something that happens subtly. And it doesn’t work because there are different layers.
Ioana
Different dimensions, different languages.
Oana
It’s illogical. So how you connect it to keep being subtle and looking for feedback that happens on a subtle level at the beginning, and then it will grow because the energy will grow in the dynamic and it will happen on a physical rational level as well. And it’s about being patient, which is a trait of character or a trait of our personality that we begin to develop the moment we are constantly in the practice of the feminine. And opening our hearts again and again and again and again and again. Patience is a fruit that gets birthed in the opening of our hearts. So the moment we are still patient, that means we still need to do practice in connection to opening our hearts.
Ioana
Is this a way we can define the concept of nurturing?
Oana
Yes, in a way, because access to a deeply nourished environment for ourselves and others is opening up in our life the moment we are really surrendering to our heart, not emotions, our heart. There are two different things, which means we are really surrendering to the feminine because the heart is feminine, the mind is masculine, and the heart is feminine. We’re not disregarding the masculine, but we’re balancing the game once and for all. Because we spend so much time in the mind, we’re always in masculine, so we just need to start balancing the game. And nurturing is such a thing that’s missing in our society. It’s ridiculous. And yet based on how much we feel, nourishment is how much we thrive. And I want to refer more to self-nourishment than nourishment in general because our society is so based and educated into taking care of things and others as a way to maintain those things and other people in our lives, those relationships, those loves, those marriages, or those families. And you can’t really give out of what you don’t have. So we need to stop and really take the time to nourish ourselves and understand what that looks like in our day-to-day life?
Oana
And it’s very easy, actually. It happens through gestures. But the gestures should address the physical component, the emotional component, and the spiritual or mental component. If I’m a very intellectual person and I feel nourished by reading a lot, I should read a lot. I don’t think I’m just intellectual. I think there’s more to me than that. So then I have to look at other ways in which I don’t get the nourishment and compensate in those areas so that I can experience the full nourishment. For example, in my life, when I was doing these initiations in the feminine energy, I really could soften and relax into my connection with what I needed. Because nourishment happens when you are becoming aware of what you really need and you are brave enough to acknowledge it even if you haven’t received it or you’re not receiving it. Because most women complain. Yeah, but my boyfriend or my partner will never be able to hug me. He will never be able to be so soft and give me all the nourishment and no. I know him. He will never, ever. Well, we don’t know that for sure. We know he hasn’t so far, but we don’t see you actively inspiring him into the game.
Oana
And we don’t really know how aware you are of your own territory that needs to be nourished and how you want that nourishment to come. So before blaming him that he doesn’t do all those things and he’s not paying attention, of course, he’s a man. He’s paying attention to his cars and his logistics and his software and all those things that trigger him in life and make him passionate. But before blaming him, how aware are you of your emotional or physical needs and how are you nourishing yourself? And when I actually took the time to discover that for myself, a whole level of abundance and thriving and capacity of feeling loved showed up instantly in my life. Because I realized that if I am taking care of my body like I need a lot of nourishment on my physical body. I need touch constantly in my life. I need to be hugged. I need a hug. I need to be connected with my body in a soft way. I need to take breaks. I need to breathe deeply. I need to wear silk materials on my body like I need a pampering, Cleopatra lifestyle in connection to my body.
Oana
I need to feel like a Queen every day of my life. When that level of nourishment on a physical level is present in my life, I’m in balance. Regardless of how good my life is or bad. Regardless, things happen badly. I’m still in the balance. Things happen well. I’m still happy and grateful for them. But I’m in balance. And the same with my emotional landscape. I need deep connection and deep, intimate conversation with the people around me. And I need to know where they stand and where they are. And I have my little tribe of sisters or mentors or intimate connections where I need to connect regularly, heart to heart, and really go through what’s going on in my life and in theirs. And in moments when I don’t do that, I’m not thriving. So it’s developing the knowledge of who you are and giving yourself the right nourishment and then you can really perform. I think performance happens after you are well-balanced and nourished.
Ioana
It sounds like hard work. What you’re saying.
Oana
We became very significant. Yes.
Ioana
Let me bring some lightness to this.
Oana
There’s hope, guys. There’s hope at the end of the tunnel. Stay tuned.
Ioana
How can we make this experience of Nourishment more fun and enjoyable?
Oana
Jesus, nourishment is about being spoiled and pampered. Why do you make it like a hardcore chore? It’s not. It should be a game. It really should be just a game. And the fact that you’re playing by yourself at the beginning, we should not give you a reason to be sad or feel sorry for yourself. It’s just like when we were kids, we were exploring life mostly by ourselves, and then we were interacting with some adults and other kids. So of course, at the beginning stage of the Nourishment game, you have to start with yourself and develop a relationship with yourself about it because you are the person who knows yourself the most. Nobody’s going to give you all those answers, so you need to take just some time to explore.
Ioana
Okay, I have a better question. So let’s imagine I have a weekend at my disposal, but nobody is in town. I’m totally lost in the city alone, and I really don’t want to get frustrated about that. How can I address this weekend in a nourishing way so that I won’t feel depressed at the end of Sunday? And on the contrary, I will feel recharged and more at ease.
Oana
Everybody else is out of town but you are in town.
Ioana
Yeah, but I’m the only one in town.
Oana
Yeah, but that’s the thing. When we are taking our relationship with ourselves to the next level, we need to look at that as a relationship. It’s me and me. So I’m doing things for myself. And it may be abstract at the beginning, but it’s a very concrete thing, actually. So while everybody is out of town, you’re in town and you could develop a relationship with yourself while you’re in town and start doing all the things you love doing in town. And beyond that, most of the time you don’t have time for them because your friends are calling and you’re going to go out or you have a deadline and all those things that you keep postponing that makes you feel good, but your mind tells you that you need to have company for them.
Ioana
That’s exactly the problem. Instead of getting frustrated, I don’t have to go to the movies. I should take my inner girl with me and go with her to the movies and have ice cream and have fun with that. And just look at the situation in a very pampering and fun way. Yeah.
Oana
And something amazing will happen out of that. You will become a free human being. So whenever somebody’s in town, you can go to a movie, and if not, your parents still enjoy going to movies because it’s just a blockage in our minds because we were so socially educated that we think we have to do everything with other people so that we can connect with ourselves. But actually, the deeper connection happens when we are alone because these are the moments when other messages, subtle messages, are popping in in the quietness of our connection with ourselves. And the benefit of that is we’re going to take our relationship to the next level and become more intimate and we get back to patience.
Ioana
I think we should include a fifth pillar, which is patience, or at least the mantra.
Oana
It just pops up and keeps going. Every pillar requires patience.
Ioana
So patients should be the bonus pillar. So just to make a short recap, we have emotional awareness. The first pillar, acknowledging intuition with patients, and the second pillar, and nurturing ourselves with patience. The third pillar, and we arrive at the most abstract of all the pillars, is embodiment. What does embodiment mean?
Oana
Well, in the simplest way, it’s about living all these things in your day-to-day life, like really becoming more fluid, allowing your intuition to have a say in the things that are going and giving yourself space for your emotions, and really doing those nourishing practices, not just talking about them.
Ioana
Okay.
Oana
And in time, this will change you. It will definitely change you. You will become more soft and you’ll be able to soften into who you are, which is also relaxing into who you are and kind of deleting that construct. We have in our mind that we have to be a certain way to act and then have an understanding that relaxing more into who we allow for a deeper connection to what we want to become or be. And that is in itself powerful and strong enough for us to manifest what we want. And we can’t really get that until we do the practice. There is an easier, more abundant, more fulfilling way of having things in our life by becoming aware of who we are and allowing who we are to take the charge to guide us. And if you bypass this, if you put action before nourishment of who you are, something is going to miss, and you will feel a lack. So when you’re clear of who you are and you’re taking the time to develop that, even if it looks soft and your mind says there’s not a direct link or connection with what I’m developing now, in my inner sanctuary with what I need to be doing, to have what I want to have.
Oana
Even if you just disregard that thought or that way of looking at things, you will come to see that the more you develop who you are and from who you are, you’ll take action that’s conscious. You will draw into your life in a more conscious, more easy, more fulfilling, and more complete way the things you want.
Ioana
So embodiment is a kind of leading by example. Not just preach B, not just say, but also do yeah.
Oana
Really test it and try it. And if it works for you, become it. And then through that energy field that you are accessing, through that developmental thing, you are accessing and becoming it. People will start seeing you differently and resonate with you differently because you will be different. It’s a very powerful lesson for women. When we women are taking ourselves seriously and really put to the test all the feminine principles and values and really start living through them and by them, then we are embodying the feminine principle. And this is leading the way for people around us. It is teaching our children to be different and teaching through examples of intimacy and love and patience and tolerance, all those human values that we want to teach our children. And we’re struggling in teaching our children. And one of the reasons we’re struggling is that we’re not embodying it. We tell our children, to be patient, but then we’re not patient with ourselves first and foremost. So when we are actually integrating as women the feminine principle, we are giving them a solid, emotional, intimate foundation with all of life, and that reaches through our relationships with the man next to us.
Oana
And he will melt down and surrender to those parts that we are exploring in the dynamic that are feminine. And he will come to respect and value those things and value me as a channel of those things in the partnership. So it’s very important.
Ioana
What I was thinking is exactly this thing that all these values and all these habits should not be considered to be exclusively something only women can achieve. Okay, they are specific to the feminine principles, but the final point should be introducing them in our lives, letting aside what sex we are, and what age we are. They are universal. And I think one of the conclusions is that everybody should embody the feminine principle. It’s not something only women can embody totally.
Oana
And the embodiment comes later or it’s a natural sequence of things. But I think men do need nourishment as well, for example, and that doesn’t make them weak or vulnerable.
Ioana
They should be the ones who understand them.
Oana
Well, women too, because we’re living in a society where we’ve attributed to the masculine so many things that are very hard that there’s nothing left for soft. But men are human beings. They’re not just men, you know, they’re not just half of humanity. And, for example, if we want our children to learn the beauty of compassion and the wisdom of compassion, I think we want our men to have compassion, too. So why something happens, why things should be stopped in the teachings of that when you’re 15 just because you’re becoming a man? So I think men also need nourishment and they also need the guidance of something that’s going to happen that comes through intuition, whether it’s their own intuition or the intuition of the woman next to them. And they also need emotional awareness because they’re having their emotions. Whether you perceive them or not, any human being does. So we need all of that for everybody.
Ioana
I have another question on my mind, which is how we bring these habits to work. But I think I will leave this subject for our next podcast. So thank you, Oana, and see you on the other side.
Oana
Thank you. Thank you, too, for this mapping. I hope it didn’t become a very serious, significant podcast and if it did, then I hope it really made a difference keep sharing your questions with us, and let’s see if we can bring the family principles to our business environment for our next podcast.
