For me intimacy is crucial.
At some point during my journey, I realised that intimacy is even more important than being right, superior or defensive.
Before I became aware of the fact that intimacy was like oxygen to my lungs, I had been afraid of shaking the boat in any given situation, because I was afraid that I could lose intimacy. So, I stayed complacent and nice, but that attitude left me completely disempowered.
Deep inside, I craved for freedom and evolution, but I did not know how to deal with the paradox.
This is where meeting Shakti and learning to mother my Inner Girl played a crucial role. Especially in my romantic relationships.
Shakti taught me to embody my authentic wilderness.
Which actually means not tolerating any b***shit, neither from myself nor from my partner, but still be open and vulnerable.
Today, I want to empower you to do the same!
This is how I navigate conflict and still be able to grow and nurture intimacy with my partner.
1. I understand that in order to evolve, conflict is inevitable. And I accept it.
There is a way to have productive conflict – where you can raise the bar for yourself and for the other, making sure that you come from a place of growth, not from your ego.
2. I start any conversation by stating what I want to add or experience in our relationship.
3. I move on by taking full responsibility for my desire.
Share your weak spots in the matter from a place of vulnerability (not by blaming).
This allows the man next to you to understand what you want from him, without the accusations or the pressure to deliver.
In this way, you create room for him to see where he needs to grow and what he needs to pay attention to, in your relationship.
Most of the time, the first part is easy. But then, you Inner Girl or adolescent kicks in, feeling insecure and unloved, trying to sabotage what’s at stake, for fear of not ending up alone.
Alas, you adolescent might feel egotic and scared of being truly vulnerable. She might want to feel superior, become revengeful or abusive.
Turning conflict into something productive implies being patient and wise.
Most of us either lose our patience or don’t know how to stand up for what we truly feel.
Doubt, compromise and impatience creep in and we go back to the same dynamic, actually empowering more of the exact dysfunction that we wanted to address or heal.
4. This is the point when I retrieve and look at my growth process.
I tend to my Inner Girl’s emotional needs on my own and I tame the fire of my inner adolescent.
Also, I activate my awareness: this emotional storm is a challenge for both of us.
I bring in the wise woman’s energy – she prays, stays silent, feels the unspoken sacrifice and remains rooted and strong, championing the possibility with faith and clarity.
Because if you don’t ask, you won’t receive.
Deep in my heart, I cultivate a lot of compassion for my partner and pray for him and for his inner journey, until we meet again, anew and awake, into the Sacred Space of the Heart.
I fly like a hawk over him and remain a silent witness to his struggle, challenge, failure and battles.
But I never do his work.
In fact, I might not even be available to talk to him (or to his ego). I don’t respond to his personality, but I honor his greatness more.
This potent mixture of feminine qualities is what I bring into the process in my relationships, in order to make them grow and evolve and actually be able to live the most truthful expression of my love.
What about YOU? How do you cultivate intimacy and growth in your relationships? Join our Sacred Circle private group (it’s free) and share your experience with other empowered women who cultivate their sacred femininity and talk with an open heart about their journey.
I am so looking forward to listening and learning from your wisdom.
In love & sisterhood,