The Feminine

Sexual Healing

I’ll be brutally honest with you. I always am, but this story requires an even more powerful degree of authenticity and vulnerability, because it’s a story of sexual healing. My sexual healing.

I’ve told you, many times, how much meeting Oana changed my life. But the parts I shared were only snippets of reality. It’s what I thought would make sense to you and enrich your experience of womanhood.

I am shy with sharing the depth of my process, ‘cause that is hard.

The process is You facing You, the light and the shadows at the same time. I’s You getting through the storm and doing what you’ve never thought possible. The process is You touching the wound while being completely oblivious to the fact that the wound is also the cocoon of that beautiful Lotus flower that symbolises your rebirth.

One of my deepest wounds is related to sexuality

And I had no idea it was so, until it started to hurt. Like bad.

I thought I was “normal”, so to speak, and totally convinced that I could easily achieve pleasure and naturally capable to offer it.

I painted myself in the colours of a free spirit: “it’s okay if there’s absolutely no trace of kindness and intimacy here. It’s not always a must”. Such a lie.

I’ve never used sexuality to manipulate men, but I certainly used it to manipulate myself.

Legend has it that Oscar Wilde once said: “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

To me, it makes perfect sense.

I’ve never traded sexual experience, but I used it to assert my power over my insecurities. If I could, then I would.

Half of the time, it felt empowering. But on the inside, I was numbing myself.

Meeting Oana, listening to her teachings and attending the workshops was a mixed experience for me. It was in Oana’s programs that I’ve heard, for the first time in my life, words like “intimacy” or “sexual healing”. And when we shot the Healing Power Of Touch exercise, for the Sensuality Masterclass, I was left completely paralysed.

How could so much beauty and tenderness leave you frozen?—I wondered.

I turned my head away from these feelings for many months. And I somehow hoped that simply living in Oana’s environment will do the work. I told myself that I will “absorb” the information and that will be enough for things to naturally shift.

Truth is, they didn’t. It became worse.

I can’t go back to my old lifestyle, because I am now aware of the beauty that I was missing on. Now, I see how I was lying to myself and that hurt my body, my soul and my spirit.

I was immensely resistant to change

We all are, in a way. Some worse than others. And trust me, we are super creative at building narratives to justify that. I did it at a professional level.

I never did the practice, unless I was coerced. Though, I was right: the environment did infuse me with new optics. It showed me how it could be. How sexuality can be a two street journey, paved with love and kindness; how intimacy was not a metaphor and how pleasure is the key to healing, not a fitness routine.

Now I know that sensuality is the key to my sexual healing

Yes, I did only 30% of the work that Oana teaches us in the Sensuality Masterclass, but now I am ready to go deeper.

I’m scared like hell. I know I’ll never “have time” or “be in the mood”. I know resistance will show up again and sabotage me. I’m aware I’m gonna cry my eyes out and I will try to run away.

But I also know that this is the reason I don’t have anyone in my life right now to call “my Valentine”. Because I always resist, run or find good excuses.

I may have skipped many lessons. But some I’ve learned the hard way

I don’t know your story. You might be one of the lucky few who had the chance to discover and experience the gifts of sensuality, intimacy, connection and communion.

Or you might be just like me, on your way to something new, feeling stuck or scared, but excited at the same time.

Whatever your story is, you deserve to own it and turn womanhood into an epic experience of pleasure, passion and beauty.

Join me in the Sensuality Masterclass for—in Oana’ own words—a deep and profound shift on the path to your femininity.

See you in the circle!

In sacred sisterhood,

Ioana

 

ioana-paverman

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