Ioana here, happy to connect with you after a long time!
While I was away, here’s what happened: Oana gave me a task that might seem not fun, but which is nonetheless fairly important for our feminine becoming: learn how to mother my Inner Girl.
Specifically, the open questions that I received this summer are: “how do you protect your Inner Girl from negative energies, toxic people and harmful contexts? And how can you make sure your Inner Girl is never going to make any bad decisions in the future?”
Are you curious to learn what my reaction was and what happened next? Keep on reading.
Before anything else, let me give you a bit of context.
Two years ago, I committed to a deep healing process.
One day, I just realised that the only way out of a long chain of bad decisions with painful outcomes was to say yes to the nurturing darkness, pierce through it and come out stronger.
What did this healing process asked from me?
Briefly, to end all my bad habits.
Challenge number one?
Discovering HOW did these bad habits actually look like.
Challenge number two?
Accept that all my bad habits were, in fact, disguised in perfect instant gratification patterns.
What does that mean?
To put it simply, the match was sham. Most of the things and the people that made me feel momentarily pumped up were fundamentally bad for me.
How is it possible to end up in the same place, like a wounded Bambi, all the freakin’ time?—I wondered.
Well, when you find yourself doing the same thing over and over again, waiting for a miracle to happen, then it’s pretty obvious you have to closely reexamine yourself: how you choose, why you choose, what compromises you make, what triggers you and, more than anything else, to see what you don’t see.
What I didn’t see was that my Inner Girl was choosing in my place.
She wanted to be seen, loved and appreciated.
But she wasn’t ready for any of it.
She always fell in love because she was lonely, not because she was ready. And challenged herself with the impossible, not because she knew the way, but because she wanted to be valued.
For me, the healing process came with retrieving from the world.
The only way I could be sure that my Inner Girl is safe was to keep her away from people.
For a while, it worked. But soon, the isolation started to feel straining.
And here’s where Oana’s questions come into play: how do I protect my Inner Girl from negative energies, toxic people and harmful contexts? And how can I make sure she’s never going to make any bad decisions in the future, without keeping neither me nor her secluded?
Honestly, when I received this task, I got angry. Darn! Again, everybody gets the Moonlight sexy dance, while I stay indoors and do healing work. 😒
But then, I had a rare AHA moment: Wait! The thing is not to do one or the other, but to be able to do both, in a healthy, happy way.
I finally got it: taking care of my Inner Girl shouldn’t feel like a punishment, but like a ritual that enables the woman to express herself freely.
Having these said, here are 3 of the things I do to take care of my Inner Girl, constantly.
I am mindful about the time I spend with my Inner Girl.
The first thing I’ve learned from Oana, as the secret to mothering my Inner Child, is to simply be aware of his/her existence and educate myself to be mindful about the time we sped together.
So, no matter if I only have five minutes per day or an hour, the key is to be fully present.
I’ve always been the kind who needed rather longer “me time” intervals, but never knew why.
It wasn’t because I wasn’t social or because I was depressed, but something deeper.
Being mindful taught me that during those moments of apparent solitude my Inner Girl spoke to me about her needs and dreams and wildest fantasies. All I had to do was to listen.
Now, I do.
I Play with my Inner Girl.
Another thing I’ve learned, through active observation, is that our Inner Children never choose based on serious examination. They don’t care about commitments and they certainly don’t do a SWOT analysis before acting (out). All they want is to play. Like pure genuine “play with me” time.
So, another thing I do to be sure that my Inner Girl doesn’t act out or gets too bored is to actively play with her.
I take her to the movies and eat ice cream. We go shopping and read spy novels. And well, Inner Children are not always into meditation and complex spiritual behaviour (unless they are). Mine is not. But what really keeps her excited is trying out new stuff. All the time. So, we go running and jumping. We take hikes and surf the waves, horse ride and do target shooting and we even tried Kiu Jitsu, but abandoned fast. It requires too much discipline and my Inner Girl is anything but disciplined.
I make fair deals and ask her to let mommy choose the man.
And here we are, touching the blindest of all my blind spots: men.
Are you with me? 😅
It took me one decade and a half of disastrous dating to get it: kids play, adults date. Therefore, it’s mommy (aka the woman) who must choose the man, not the girl.
Girls plays and choose dream boys.
Women date and choose real men.
I know. It’s complicated. But not impossible. There is hope.
For me and my Inner Girl, this chapter is still writing itself. However, a strategy that works well is applying the good old win-win negotiation tactic.
Specifically, I promised her that IF she doesn’t mingle and trick me into choosing James Bonds and Indiana Joneses, I will always see her, love her, appreciate her AND let her (occasionally) watch bad boy movies.
Seek in men not only what’s exciting, but also what’s authentic, brave and intimate.
I talk to her and explain why James Bond is never going to make us happy and that we need to shift our mind set and seek in men not only what’s exciting, but also what’s authentic, brave and intimate.
Again, this part is still work in progress and we’re all curious to see how everything’s gonna play out, eventually.
Tu sum up, the 3 thighs I constantly do to take care of my Inner Girl are:
- I am mindful about the time we spend together;
- Play with her, always;
- I negotiate;
What about you? How do you take care of your Inner Girl? What do you want to learn about her? Leave me your comment below. I’m so curious!
All my ❤️,