If you are a mother, I am sure you will relate to this…
And even if you are not, but felt disconnected or sexually wounded, you know what I am talking about…
Reengaging sexually, after birthing can be a challenge.
After I gave birth, my body was in shock.
Every time my partner got close to me, I would start to shake uncontrollably and felt numbness, fear and cold shivers throughout my whole body.
I was in pain and it was traumatic.
How do you heal from a major physical or emotional sexual trauma and how do you learn to tap into your sexuality?
Well, firstly you need to accept that you experience disconnection or trauma.
Understanding and defining where you are in your sexual life is crucial when it comes to healing.
Actually, healing can never occur, if you don’t accept and acknowledge where you are.
For me, the key was to understand that giving birth left me in a physical mess and that I can’t have sex. I had to say ‘no’ to sex, so that I could eventually have sex. Also, I had to first say it to myself before saying it to my lover.
I love to be sexually connected and was afraid I will remain scared for life. I was denying my trauma out of fear. But my body couldn’t let me override where I was.
The body never lies.
I was in trauma and I needed to heal.
Secondly, you have to learn to be patient and gentle with yourself.
So much of our Western culture is wrapped around performance in bed.
As if an orgasm could ever be a confirmation or an invalidation of your femininity or of his virility. And nothing is more faraway from the truth.
Actually, lovemaking is about playing innocently and exploring each other, with no pressure, objective or playing a role to protect our vulnerability.
But how do you engage sexually beyond the self protection armour and performance?
How do you cultivate self-love, acceptance and vulnerability with your partner?
First, though exploring yourself with vulnerability and second, through practicing sensuality.
You see… if I hadn’t any reference for a loving environment within myself, I would have never gained the courage to say to my lover: “I can’t have sex and I don’t know when will I be able to have sex again. And I am pretty sure the only thing you can do to support me is to wait for me.”
What helped me was to come back to my own sexual universe and cultivate my sensuality before I felt ready to open up to my lover.
I had to breathe with my womb, caress my body and allow it to feel the shock. Move through the shock and release the trauma. And I was not feeling safe to do that with my lover. And that’s okay. I just needed to come back home in my body and thank God I knew how.
Separate the story from the facts
So, I invite you now into a self inquiry around your sexuality and sex life and guide you, further on, into some of the most powerful sensual practices that can open you up to more pleasure.
Shall we start?
The key step is to disentangle the painful story from the actual way in which your sex life unfolds.
Yes, we carry around a lot of stories and that just creates confusion and mistrust.
You see, if I had carried with me the story: “Oh my God, my sex life is ruined, I am done. I will loose my lover and I will end up wounded and alone”, I would have never got the power to shift this very sensitive part of my life.
Detach the story from the facts and take your power back!
Yes, we do deserve ecstatic, multi galactic orgasmic pleasure in our sex life and beyond.
Cheers to that and see you soon!
In love & sisterhood,
P.S. If you liked this article and want to get access to more feminine practices and coaching exercises (which I only share with my community) join us! Start your feminine journey with this FREE 3-part Mini Course that I’ve created to help you discover the magic of your body and start feeling sensual and magnetic.