The Feminine

Sexual encounters—the good, the bad & the ugly

I was listening to our newest episode of The Feminine #Uncut Podcast and I suddenly had this thought—you really know you’re doing something right, when people in your life start to react to what you advocate. 🎉

It goes like this.

One day, Ioana came along cheering—”Oana, you need to see this! Two VIP men in my life sent me this and I am both startled and emotional!”. 😅

What Ioana was talking about, with contagious enthusiasm, was an article from the New York Times entitled: “What’s Lust Got to Do With It?”. The underling question of the column was this: why we put ourselves, so often, in situations that we genuinely dislike just because the effort to stop what we had already set in motion feels overwhelming?

As you can easily imagine, the core issue here is the sex issue. 😀

So, we decided to roll another epic #Uncut Podcast, with the intention to debate and debug why we repeatedly engage in sexual encounters that don’t feel right.

The episode came out super engaging and with many AHAs. You’ll love it!

Here’s a brief account of what you’ll discover 🎧

When intimacy is missing, our sexual encounters turn out to be either bad or ugly; but never authentically good.

To make the experience pleasurable and to be able to access ecstasy and passion, you need to allow yourself to flow with all your emotions: good, bad & ugly.

Yet, to be able to do this, first you have to get comfortable in your own skin, learn how to be authentic about your own desires and needs, and never be afraid to express yourself emotionally.

A woman’s sexual centres can blossom only when she surrenders to emotion. That’s a fact.

How you do that in a healthy way?

By descending into the Sacred Space of your heart and learning everything about your needs and how you fulfil them.

Why is the Sacred Space so important?

The biology of women requires a fundamental need for protection; it’s a basic longing that men can’t always show up for. Hence, before you throw yourself in the arms of a partner, learn how to develop a healthy and honest relationship with yourself, and feel that you are grounded in your own body, life, desires, and needs. Only then you can open up for sexual encounters from a place of “I want this, I am comfortable with it, I accept it for what it is, and I’m releasing all expectations.”

What can you do when a sexual encounter feels even a tiny bit off? JUST SAY NO. Firmly, but being extremely gentle with yourself. That’s empowerment.

What stops you (aka your Inner Girl) from saying NO is fear. The fear of rejection, the fear that you might be judged or even the fear of potential violence, either physical or emotional.

However, what stops your Inner Girl from really saying NO is exactly the lesson that she needs to integrate to become a woman—the fear of loneliness.

What if you say NO, but he doesn’t understand? Well, then he’s not the right guy. As simple as that. 🤷‍♀️

And last but not least, never try to define your sexuality in relationship with someone, my dear. Everything starts in your own Sacred Space, in relationship with yourself. Invest time and energy in that. I promise if really pays off.

Now jump over, listen with passion to the full episode and let us know 👇—what’s your personal experience with the good, the bad & the ugly aspects of sex, sexuality, sexual encounters, and intimacy? Sharing about this, in a safe and sacred space, is the only way we can change the collective mindset regarding these fundamental aspects of our lives.

All my love,

2017 © The Feminine, by Oana Stoianovici

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