Starting straight with a question — what’s your stance on intimacy and sexuality?
The topic I want us to discuss today is inspired by a wonderful, super-vulnerable question we have received from Allison, a few weeks ago. But before I go on, let me introduce you to her story.
“Hi, Oana. My name is Allison, I’m 36. I am a wife, a mother and… recently I realised I am also a woman.
I met you last year, during one of your live workshops and it was you who made me realise that I have a power; a feminine power. My whole life I’ve been on autopilot. I did my studies, I have a career, I got married with the first and the only man in my life and I gave birth to a wonderful baby girl. I did it all, while forgetting or rather ignoring to also do something for… me.
Since last year I began to do some research and try to rediscover myself. And what came up is that my unhappiness is triggered by my unfulfilled sexual life.
For many years, I thought I’m condemned to never feel pleasure at all
Yet, while doing my research my soul kept on telling me that is not true. But you see… I never got my husband’s authentic attention and full presence; he never made me feel like he was there, into the moment, for me. From our first night together I felt pain. Our love making is mechanical. Not only I do not feel pleasure, but I feel pain.
My husband keeps telling me that it’s my fault, that I’m not “a complete woman”, and that I should do something about it. I went to the physician, but he told me I’m perfectly alright from a physical point of view and that my issue is purely emotional.
I tried to communicate with my husband, to tell him what I would like him to do, how I would like to feel. But he dismissed me, saying that he can’t be like that, he can’t be romantic. In conclusion, it’s me the one with a problem.
I lived my whole life carrying this burden of being “wrong”. Until now. I know I’m not guilty of anything; I feel I have no problem at all; the only thing I want is to feel, to live. What can I do, Oana? I would desperately want to make things work, but something deep inside tells me he’s never gonna change. Should I cheat on him? I can’t. Should I break up with him? What if I learn that I’m simply chasing an illusion? How can I discover my femininity without cheating or breaking up? Thank you so much and, I confess, even if I won’t ever get a reply, the simple fact that you gave me the occasion to write down my story feels liberating. Thank you, Allison.”
You are the creator of your own femininity, intimacy and sexuality
Dear Allison, thank you for your trust and for sharing such an intimate and personal story. Your story is the narrative of so many other women out there who experience pain and sadness and who simply feel stuck.
Yet, the good news is that we don’t need men to discover our femininity. Yes, we do need them to co-create love, passion and babies, but we don’t need them to discover our own intimacy and sexuality. Even more, they are the receivers of our femininity; not the creators of it.
Your husband is right — that’s all he can do. He can’t help you. Please forgive him for everything he said that might have hurt you and move on. It’s a useless burden you are carrying. Let it go.
Why is he right? Your femininity, intimacy and sexuality can be awakened only by staying with yourself and bonding with other women who live in conscious femininity. What you are lacking is vital energy, my dear. The deep connection with your feminine energy. There is nothing wrong with you, as a woman; you only need to stir up your senses and your energy. 😉
The healing power of touch
How can you do it? Through touch. You with yourself. Build a ritual and give yourself the pleasure you crave to receive from a man. No shame and no crying. Rejoice! Honour yourself.
I highly recommend you to play all your favourite tunes; buy yourself some flowers; take a bath infused with essential oils and rest with yourself for as long as you need. Breath with your belly and with your heart. Caress your body, soft and tender. Don’t judge.
Dress up and take a walk. Smell the flowers and take in the nature’s wonders. Walk barefooted. Hug a tree.
I even dare to promise you that if you take all these actions regularly, with the clear intention of honouring your femininity, intimacy and sexuality, something will magically shift.
If you feel to dive deeper into the whole process, we can offer you a range of products and workshops that will give you the right guidance into activating your sensuality and that will transform the way you experience intimacy and sexuality for good.
Discovering yourself is a very personal journey
And there’s something else — never expect anything from anyone. Give yourself time, space and permission to take care of yourself. In no time, everyone else, your husband included, will notice the difference.
The woman is she who guides a man into pleasure, intimacy and sexuality. But first, you need to journey into your own mystery and depths.
And now, back to work! You have a lot of new territories to explore! 😉
What about you, my dear? What’s your personal experience with femininity, intimacy and sexuality? What questions do you have? What things are you curious about? Let us know by leaving a comment below. 👇
We honour your story and do our best to come up with the most unexpected and useful answers.
In love & sisterhood,